Be Fierce

     Hey guys, haven't felt the writing bug much lately. I have started a new job, I am back to housekeeping, cleaning vacation rentals. It is very hard work, but I am making more money and I am happier. I am not seeing the guy from Spokane anymore. That is a long story, one that I am not sure I wish to share at this point in time. He is very sweet and kind, but ultimately, just not the person for me. I felt bad that I had to break things off over the phone, but when you live 2 hours from me, I can't really drop everything and drive over there. I never recommend delivering bad news over the phone, if you can help it. In person is always better. I need to move on, and keep forward motion. I am not about to let the little things drag me down this year. I have a lot to live up to and I am excited to keep moving on with my life. Good things are coming my way, I can feel it in my heart.

     I have been actively working on many of my friendships, making sure that I keep my friends close to me. In this life we live, we need people that are fun to travel with! Who wants to walk the road of life with boring people? Sure as fuck isn't me! I love my little circle of people. We are pretty awesome, and I couldn't be happier. I have a few that offer some deep intellectual thought, and conversation. I have a couple that keep me grounded and focused on the path ahead, and I have a few for emotional support. Family is important, but never underestimate the value of friendships. 

     I have finally learned how to live alone, and quite happily I might add. So now my concern is allowing someone into my life. Funny how we can get that way. I have lived so much of my life with another person, I honestly didn't know how to be single and alone. Considering that I have my kids every other week, I am not alone all the time. On the weeks that they are gone though, I used to struggle. I never knew what to do with myself. I was uncomfortable sitting here alone watching tv, I was uncomfortable going out to get food alone, and I was uncomfortable being seen walking all alone. Now, I am perfectly fine with it, in fact, I prefer it! I can do what I want, when I want. No one here to make me reconsider taking off for a few hours to go see a movie. I can go meet up with friends if I want to. I can sit here naked and watching movies, eating pizza and cookies, no one is here to judge me! It's very liberating! I am left alone with my own thoughts and I can be weird as fuck, not a soul around to laugh at me for dancing half naked in my kitchen to Green Day. 

     Some poor sap is out there willing to get to know me and stick around for all my shenanigans. I hope he has lots of patience and can keep up with my weirdness. I know more about my self worth now, than I ever did before. Spending a year with no boyfriend has been the best thing for me. Honestly, even when I was with the last boyfriend, I often felt alone and unloved. So for me, it has been more like 4 years single. I have learned more about myself in the last 4 years, than I have in the 30 prior. I am strong, independent and incredibly caring. I will not hold onto anyone that makes me feel less than. I know that this blog entry has been similar to some of my others when it comes to personal growth and learning how to be myself. I think it's very important to reiterate these things, not only to myself, but to those who might be struggling with who they are. I want to keep writing for the people that need to pull from my strength. For those who are wandering, lost in their own lives. I want to empower those younger than me, to keep moving forward with their lives and focusing on the life ahead of them. I want those in a similar situation to know that they are not alone, they are worth loving and they have all the power in their hearts to be strong. It comes with time, learning, and understanding that you are not super human. It's ok to break, it's ok to hurt, and it is ok to need someone to help you through. Transformations don't happen overnight, they happen slowly. We are all beautiful fucking butterflies waiting to spring out of our cocoons. 

     Ok, go fourth my fucking fantastic friends and be fierce, be amazing unicorns, and take over your life one breath at a time. Until next time.   

    

Passive Aggressive Dating

     Ok, buckle up for the rant. I can no longer contain the irritation caused over a passive aggressive asshat! First off, let me say that I have been chatting with this guy for over a month now. He lives in another city and it has been difficult between our schedules to actually make time to meet. He might even have a link to my blog, come to think of it, so, if he's reading, I hope he takes some pointers for the next woman he speaks to.

     I work full time, HE works full time and then some. I have kids, he doesn't. So in addition to the conflicting work arrangements, I have the added complication of having time with my kids that WILL NEVER BE COMPROMISED! Fuck you if you think that I am willing to sacrifice the time I get with them. This basically leaves me open to go on dates 2 weeks a month. Then you have to factor in the time I spend with my friends. So that takes my 14 days and cuts it to about 10. Then factor in my early morning work schedule, so I really don't like to be out past 9pm on a work night. So that turns into only 5 hours per night of the work week that I am potentially free to meet someone. Then of course Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday is my day to relax and prep for my children to arrive home. I think that I'm down to 6 days in a month at this point. Never once did I let on that dating me would be easy. I tell every man that chooses to have any contact with me that I am busy, and I truly mean that I am BUSY.

     Secondly, I will not put up with someone who makes me feel guilty in anyway for being a working mother. I work hard and I raise my kids. If you can't deal with that, see your way out. I will not tolerate your passive aggressive texts. Fuck you, fuck off, you fucking fuck. Telling me that you're going to just give up on trying to meet me... fine, then don't meet me. I apologized for it being difficult. Then telling me that it is not for your lack of trying.... Oh, then it must be that I am not. OK then, Captain Dillhole. I'm done.

     When will these guys learn that you can't tell someone how "understanding" you are, then turn around and be an ass? That might be the way it works in the bars, or how it works with those thirsty hoes just looking for a dick to ride. I am not any of these bitches. I am perfectly content waiting for someone who truly understands my life and is willing to hang around and see how amazing I am. I think that I am worth the wait. The right man will agree with me. I treat my man good, no, better than good.... amazingly. I will go to the ends of the earth to make them feel welcome in my arms. I will settle for nothing less than the same treatment. So the next time that you feel the need to get hacked off at someone for not dropping everything in their life to meet you right now.... take a moment and try to understand how difficult it might actually be for them to rearrange their life for a few dates. People work, have kids, plans that were made long before you came stumbling into the picture. Don't force something to happen, it will happen in due time. Until that time comes, make your own plans, do your own thing and for the love of Fuck, don't plant your happiness in someone else's  garden!


Until next time my friends.

The "Friend Zone"

    

     Ok, I know that very many of you have heard this term. Shit, many of you think that you have put someone in the Friend Zone, or you think that you are in it. Well I'm here to tell you.... IT'S NOT A REAL THING! Fuck, come on. All these people whining about being stuck in the Friend Zone. Boo Hoo, so-and-so put me in the Friend Zone. Bitch please, no they didn't! You put yourself there. You decided to be their friend after they rejected you. Or what really happened, is that you didn't have the balls to even tell them that you wanted to date them to begin with! So instead of growing a pair and asking them out, you cry bitch baby tears over being put in this mythical place.

     You have no reason to be crying and whining over it. How about you suck it up and go to the person that you'd like to try things with, and fucking tell them! All it takes is about 10 seconds of courage to spit out the words you want to say. The worst thing that can happen is that they will tell you they aren't interested. In the grand scheme of things is that really the most horrible thing that they can do to you? Hell No! They could be that crazy bitch that tossed your shit in the front yard and set it on fire! If you really believe that they are your friend to begin with, they wouldn't hurt you like that. A friend would feel badly if they had to let you down, so they would do it kindly. Instead, you're out there in the bar, or online, dating the craziest bitches and then calling that person who "Friend Zoned" you and bitching to them that you can't find anyone decent to date!

     I am here to tell you that it's not the worst thing in the world to put yourself out there. I have done it a few times. Is it hard? Yes, absolutely. You know what is harder though? Never knowing if they feel the same way. I have gotten the chance to go on a date with someone who was a friend. It's not that bad. You can get a feel for the romantic side of them and see if you are compatible. Worst case scenario is that the date is SO BAD, that you loose that friend forever. Best case scenario is that you end up with an amazing person to date, that already knows how fucked up you are and totally loves you for it. Take that chance. If they end up not in your life afterward, it's because they really weren't supposed to be there. True friends will stick around.

     So good luck out there! I hope you will go out on the limb, and tell a friend that you have been thinking about them in a different light for a long time, and that you would like to see if something could come of it. 

Until next time my friends!  

The Importance of Great Friends

   
      I don't think that I can stress it enough to everyone, how important it is to have amazing friends in your life at all stages. These people in the pictures are some of my amazing friends that I can count on to stick by me through think and thin. They make me laugh, cry, laugh until I cry, and forget all about my worries if just for a few hours. It's so incredibly important to find a few people like this to keep around. I wouldn't trade a single one of them off for anything. Each person in these photo's offers me something different, yet they all offer one very similar and very important thing.... LOVE. Don't roll your fucking eyes at me! If you don't love your friends then you're doing it wrong. Read on...

     We can act insane together and none of us judge the other. We embrace each other and all the quirks that come along with. This is how to live life. One moment at a time, one day at a time, and one crazy wild ride all the way through. Be the support and back up to your friends, and you will have some of the best relationships come out of it. I think that the relationships that my friends and I have, are stronger than any other relationship I have ever been in. We know how messed up the other one is, how dark and twisty that rabbit hole can get, yet we accept that. And we are comfortable in knowing that they are just as accepting of your own dark and twisted brain.

     Keeping people around when you are going through happy times is probably more important than just venting to them about all your troubles. We lift each other up when one is down. We can't all be the Debbie downers! We slap a smile on our face until we trick our brain! Trust me, when your friend starts laughing and smiling when they started off the night with a forced grin... there is no better therapy in the world. It feels good to help someone. Plus they start to laugh at you when you make silly faces and say "Smile Fucker!" Ok, well my friends do... we have a special kind of relationship. You might want to come up with your own ways, mine can be offensive to some. Best part about my friends is that they aren't offended easily.

     These people are my sounding board, my go to, and my courage when I need it. They will give me their opinions on men and dating, on work, on other friends and on the ex's of course. They will guide me on my journey through life.

     I know that I kept this blog post more on the serious side, and I hope that it was still a good read. These people deserve nothing but respect from me. I can joke around and be sarcastic to them, have inside jokes and poke fun at them... But no one can love them like I do.

     I hope you will all go tell your friend(s) how much they mean to you! Give them a call, text, or facebook message. Let them know what they have brought to the table. Tell them what they have done for you. I bet that some of them have no idea how much they might mean to you.

Until next time my friends!

Running into your Ex at the Bar

          Hello again! So I have been very busy this week making new connections, hanging out with friends old and new, and running into the dreaded Ex at the bar.... (enter doom music). This was not my ex Husband, it was my ex Boyfriend. You know, the loser I wasted 2 years on? Yeah... THAT guy.

         So I think that men and women can agree, that we have all had this type of person at some point or another. The type that takes full advantage of you, and offers just enough in return to make you think that deep down is a decent person. Maybe you have dated them, maybe they were a friend, or maybe they are a family member. That is the type of person my ex BF is. He had me hook, line and sinker after one date. Crazy right!? I'm such a level headed person most of the time, how in the hell did this guy blow apart the fortress around my heart so easily? How did he tame that fire breathing dragon guarding the door? HOW in the ever loving fuck did he get past all of that, and crack open the steel box welded around my heart!? This guy knew just what to say and when to say it. He knew which gestures to make and when to make them. He was playing me like a fiddle from the start, and sometimes I feel like he's still playing it.

          So upon arriving and realizing that he was there, I had that mini heart attack that we all do. "Shit! did he see me? Wait, why do I care!? I shouldn't care. Calm down, breathe, you don't care. You look good! He should see you so he can eat his heart out! Wait, does he have a heart?" My friend is a bouncer at the door, I stop and chat with him for a few minutes. Then the friends I came in with procured the table right next to the door. PERFECT! You see my Ex is a DJ, so he is stuck in the DJ booth across the bar at the dance floor.

          Thank God I have good friends, Laura and Dan kept me laughing and distracted most of the evening. I stopped caring that he was even there after about 10 minutes. We were checking out guys in the bar, flirting, giggling about facebook posts and stupid people. As the bar reached closing time I was back to hiding from him. Not because I was feeling anything, but because I did not have any desire whatsoever to communicate with this heartbreaking tool bag. We all left the bar together and had a good laugh at the fact that he was trying to wave at Laura to get her attention.

          I think that the lesson I took out of last night was this; As long as you have great friends in your life, you don't need to worry, you will be JUST fine....
Until next time my friends!

Adventures in Online Dating

   

      Oh boy... where do I even start today? How about a lesson for all of my friends on how NOT to act while chatting with a stranger online. I was pulled into a world of pure douchebaggery this afternoon by a man who's screen name was "jonny_rocknroll". He started the conversation off rude and it finally ended with me flaming his ass and blocking him from ever speaking to me again. I'd like to know why some people feel the need to be total assholes to women online? I mean, do these guys get a power trip over it? I can promise that when speaking to a woman such as myself, I will happily knock his dick in the dirt in reaction to behavior like that. 

    

      I fully understand that some men are just not able to communicate through written words very well. Although resorting to words like "humping" and "chick" lead me to believe you stopped caring how you come across to others at about 12 years old. I was clearly speaking with a 42 year old man child, and this became apparent to me after the second message sent to me. So for all my single friends out there, male or female, gay or straight, or anyone who is HUMAN... Please do society a favor and learn some damned manners! Don't think that playing the asshole card will win over a suitable mate for yourself. The chances are, that if you treat someone in such a way and they LIKE it... RUN! because they are crazier than you. 

     I am not sure yet how I feel about this online dating crap, what I DO know, is that I'm absolutely worth more than how this guy chose to treat me. I hope that all my friends and family know their value. Know what you have to offer and do not ever cheapen yourself for anyone. I'm walking away this evening with my head held high, knowing that he deserved the verbal beat down he received from me. 

    Until next time my friends! 

~Leigh-Ann