The End, But in the Best Way Possible

                     

Tomorrow, I change my name                  

                     Well hello again friends! Man has it been a long time since I wrote something brand spanking new! I have had the most fun sharing my dating nightmares, my struggle with finding inner peace, and my quest to become happy in my love life. I have had many triumphs along the way, from calling out creeps, to finally meeting the man I had been waiting so long for. In order to reach those however, I certainly had to pay my dues. You guys, some of those dates I went on... fuck me those were HORRIBLE! I met some people that should never be allowed to interact with other humans! I made it as a single mother for 7 years and I never thought I could make it through 7 days! To all my single parent friends, I applaud you, seriously, you guys are so fucking awesome you deserve ALL the things. Not only was I welcomed with open arms into that little sub community of parents, we all had similar stories and problems, we all had insane stresses and heart breaks, yet we all relied on each other to keep our sanity. We shared ideas and offered help, we traded hand me downs and child care. We are all in the same village, helping each other out, thank you for being my people. 

For my best friends, my squad, my people... If it weren't for you all, I would not have become the woman I am today, My closest friends and family, you have supported me, held me up when I had nothing left, and you were all my cheerleaders along the way. I will love you all until the day I die. If I could have had the biggest damned wedding my little heart desired, I would have had the biggest wedding party ever! 

                    Wedding... Yeah... I got fucking MARRIED! AGAIN! What the HELL is wrong with me! Well, at least that is what I imagine some of you may be yelling, or maybe that is what was ringing through my head when I said yes to Tony. The thing is, that I knew he was the man I wanted to be with long before he asked me. Granted, this is me we are talking about and I kept that titanium wall locked tight for a long time. I did not want to fall for him the way I did, I tried to keep him at arm's length, but dammit, he just stuck around anyway. There was no pushing Tony away because he was right there reminding me that I am enough, I am a good person, and I deserved his love. He never wavered, never set unrealistic expectations, and he always, always made up anytime he caused me any sort of hurt and emotional pain. He does these things because he too is a broken human. Broken by the one person he trusted with his heart, same as me. We went through such similar pain, that it was so easy to help each other along the way. Each one of us being wiser, from our learned experiences, and being able to see and communicate any tiny issues before they become something larger than life. We have the power of hindsight on our side, being able to look back at our own mistakes and doing our part to try and do better this time around. So why am I suddenly having this hard time grasping that I am now becoming Mrs. Florence. 

                    Identity crisis? I mean that seems to make the most sense, I am having an identity crisis. Perhaps it isn't a crisis though, maybe a small bump in life? I didn't have a hard time changing my name the first time around, so excited to learn my new signature and initials, I couldn't wait until people asked my name and I would proudly give them my new name. I had the same general excitement, until I started to actually begin the process, shit, I forgot how much of a pain in the ass this is. Calling every company you do business with to give them the new name. Changing bank accounts, loans, credit cards, filling out name change paperwork for every damned thing under the sun! I had to do this twice already, this is the third time... and it will be the LAST time. I do not want anyone else by my side, Tony is the one for me. He doesn't always understand me, but he tries. This man is simply the best person I have met, he has so much patience that it is hard to believe. Florence, Leigh-Ann Marie Florence. I will get used to saying it, and signing it. 

                    So today is my final blog entry, a final toast to all the crazy antics, and a big middle finger to my ex's that made this journey so messed up. They never deserved me, and I never deserved the garbage they dumped on me. I know that, I also know that they can no longer control my life. I have let that shit go, so a great big fuck off to the emotional roller coaster that was my life for 8 long years. When we finally get to the point in our lives, when we start making decisions for ourselves and not for other people, that is when we can most easily walk away from those people that no longer serve a valuable place in our head space. They don't pay rent here, they are gone from my brain. I have a new life, a new family, and a new husband to love me in the best way he knows how. Like the tide pulling the ocean in and out, I have sent that past out into the sea. This chapter of my life has been life changing, eye opening, and made me so, so humble. 

I cannot wait to see what life has to bring me in the future. My kids are all lined up to begin their next chapter's too, with my beautiful daughter starting them off by graduating next June. This is usually where I sign off until next time, but here, this is the end of my journey. So goodbye friends, keep moving forward, and always choose kindness. The world needs more of that shit. 

                    

Toxic Relationships and Recovery

     Hey friends! It has been WAY too long! Shit, it's been almost a year since I have graced this blog with my presence. So, what's up! Hope all of you have had a great year! I know I have! It's been a whirlwind of amazing! I am truly, madly, deeply in love! (Only my 90's friends will get that reference) So if I am so in love, why am I writing about toxic relationships? Read on guys and gals, shit is about to get real.

     Many of you know how my past relationships went, I met a man, he was sweet until he wasn't. Things always seemed fine at first, no major issues, until little red flags started popping up, and because I didn't want to believe I was getting myself into yet another shitty relationship, I ignored them or told myself that the issues weren't that bad. It was an endless cycle, bad relationship after another. Men who said they liked me, or loved me, then they cheated on me, dumped me for seemingly no reason, or my all time fave... GHOSTED the FUCK out of me. For those that don't know that dating term, it means they literally disappear. No texts, no calls, zilch! Like they vanish into thin air. The one thing that most of these men had in common was the fact that they really believe they are "Good" guys. They always had a crazy ex, they always seemed down on their luck and just looking for a decent woman in their life for once... I fell for it, over and over. Always second guessing myself, apologizing for everything, feeling like I was the one losing control when all along they were manipulating me. Gas lighting me at every emotional turn, again, if you don't know that term, look it up. Basically making me feel like I was crazy for having a perfectly normal reaction to whatever asshole thing they did, like cheating on me, or belittling me.

     So why am I revisiting all this? Well, to make you understand why I have such a hard time accepting the fact that I have someone who is really, truly decent. He respects me, he loves me, accepts me and my kids, and he cares for me. Yet with all those wonderful qualities, I had the hardest time trusting that he was sincere. You see, it was so difficult to decipher if he was real or not. He treated me like all the others at first, hooking me reeling me in... I was waiting for the nightmare to start. Waiting for him to start chatting with other women, making me believe that they were just his friends. Expecting him to start having more and more "guys night out" all the while his "guys" are not with him. Finding out from one of my girl friends that he has been secretly sending her inappropriate messages asking her out for drinks.
     I got deeper into this relationship and he wasn't doing any of this, I was shocked, I was leery, and I was really struggling to believe that this was all real. It felt too good to be true. How could a man this good, fall for me? He has treated me with such compassion, he has listened to me, and done his very best to understand why I apologize for everything. He reassures me when I start to worry about the stability of our relationship. He holds me when I can't stop crying because my anxiety is sky high over the thought of him leaving, only because I overthink every thing. I immediately think that the worst is about to happen, when in reality, nothing is happening. I am broken, flawed and sometimes just a fucking mess... and he loves me through it all.

     I think that Toxic Relationship Syndrome should be a real thing, and I am a survivor. I have learned that trusting is something so hard, only because for other men that have been with me, it has been so easy for them to break that trust. My current relationship will be my last, if I have anything to say about it. He feels the same way. He was also in a pretty toxic relationship. One that was full of one sided love, and filled with resentment and lies. For him, being with someone completely honest is refreshing, it makes him want to be completely honest, and work through our differences. When before, both of us would shy away from discussing those differences because we feared the other person in that relationship would try and force us to change to their will. Having someone that embraces you as you are is so unheard of that we begin to wonder if it's even out there. It can be terrifying to let little bits of yourself out to someone, in fear that they will reject the person that you are. Letting someone in on those little quirks you have, and seeing them not only accept them, but to laugh and applaud you for them because they too have a similar quirk. It takes something very raw, very real, and very powerful to pull you out of "Toxic Relationship Syndrome". For me, it took over a year of loving and truly being loved in return. I am still learning, still growing and slowly letting go of my fears.

     For any of my friends that have had toxic relationships, or are in one, or think they are in one and need help recognizing the signs. I am here for you. I will help you in any way I can. Even if that means giving you a place to stay for a while. Helping you with a way out, directing you to a counselor or just being a sounding board for you. I am here. I have been through it, and I will help you navigate your way out. I will help you find your feet, find your strength, and mostly just let you know that you are NOT alone. The biggest step is recognizing that the relationship is bad for you, and then accepting the help when it is offered. 

     Real love exists, it took me 5 years to wake up and find it, and I only wish I had found it many, many years ago. However, knowing what I know now... I wouldn't have my beautiful babies, and I also wouldn't have become such a strong person. One doesn't become strong until the world you know falls apart, and strength is the only thing you have left. Believe that you are worth loving, because everyone is.

Until Next Time My Friends.

Real Life Love

     Hey guys, it's been a hell of a long time. I seem to have fallen off the blogging wagon. Well, maybe less fall and more leap... you see I have finally met someone that I feel comfortable enough talking about. That is, comfortable enough to tell the world, aka like 15 of you who actually ready this, that I am completely in love with this man, and I am scared to death. Read on.... 

       Most of you are fully aware of the dating nightmares I have endured. Some pitiful, disgusting, and downright awful humans, have met me at coffee shops, beaches, toy stores (that one was particularly bad), and restaurants. I have been laughed at, ignored, told to lose weight, gain weight, and been made to feel like a nuisance. Until now... Here is the story about how I met my current man. If you follow me on Facebook you already know his name, but for privacy's sake, this is a public blog after all, I will call him "Dean". 

     Yes, I met Dean online, we hit things off on that fucking horrible cesspool called POF. Many of you know that dating site, and it's not the greatest, but it's also not the worst. Dean adhered to my first, and frankly most important rule, DON'T leave me a one word or poorly written message. He took the time to read through my entire profile, and he left me a thought out, albeit lengthy, message about karaoke and how much he would love to meet up with me and sing together sometime. Now I love to sing, I have my favorite karaoke bar, and I absolutely love to watch a man make a fool of himself. I might be a little evil, but I digress. So Dean and I start chatting about karaoke and bars and how much fun we will have. I felt like I could trust him pretty quickly, which is VERY unlike me, and we exchanged phone numbers on day 1! Wow, I know, I'm fucking insane. 

     Things are going well, we had made a plan to go out and sing on a weekend I didn't have my kids. Then schedules started conflicting, my work load got to be tough to juggle with any sort of social life. Pretty soon it was 2 weeks later and we still hadn't met! Yet we were texting every single day, strangely enough, as much as we wanted to hear the other's voice, we decided to leave that bit a mystery. Dean was very attractive, very well spoken, and he seemed very kind. I was beginning to worry that he would be snapped up off the market very quickly. So I finally found an opening in my schedule to meet on a Tuesday night, late. It was after 9 pm in this little town, on a warm, yet still chilled night late in June. Most businesses hadn't gotten their swing of summer tourists yet, so things were very quiet, and very few places still had their doors open. I didn't want to get lost in the crowd of a bar, and it was much too late for dinner. So we settled on taking a little walk on a trail near Sand Creek, and found a bench to sit on and talk. 

     Dean was just as attractive in person as he was online, he spoke with a smooth baritone in his voice, not over powering like most men. He was shy and confident at the same time, he had a way about him that was charming and casual, yet slightly off hand and naive to some of the ways of this new dating lifestyle. I quickly learned that Dean had not been on the scene nearly as long as I had. The hairs on the back of my neck tingled, I worried that this would be an issue. The longer we talked the more I was feeling like this would be the last time I saw him. As much as I liked him, I worried that my experiences might be too much for him to handle.  I learned that he had been on other dates, which wasn't a surprise to me at all, I mean... LOOK AT HIM! He's the whole package! He admitted that I, however, had been the woman he most looked forward to meeting. That did surprise me. Why me? My looks are average, my personality is fucking awesome, but I am certainly not without my flaws. I just couldn't see how everything I had been searching for in a man was standing right here in front of me, yet felt so far out of reach. 

     Dean and I talked for hours, it was nearly 1 am by the time he headed for home. I hugged him and drove the 5 mins back to my place... then my phone rang. It was Dean. I was shaking, I figured this was it, this was him calling me to tell me that he had fun, but that he didn't want to see me again. There was something about him that struck me as the kind of guy to at least give a woman that information over the phone, and not a lousy text. So I answered that call, and much to my surprise, he was asking me life advice. DATING advice.... FUCK. He was telling me more about these other two women than I cared to know. But I did the only thing I knew how to do, dish out the good, friendly advise that I am pretty well known for. I figured if I can't have this guy as my boyfriend, he seemed cool enough to hang out with from time to time. And who knows, maybe this friendship could lead me to connect with more people and broaden my dating pool. So we talked on the phone for 2 more hours. By the time I hung up I thought I might still have a shot! He wasn't telling me to get bent, he was telling me how awesome I was! Maybe he is just as bonkers as I am. Shit... maybe he is just as bonkers as I am. 

     So the next morning he texts me, wanting me to know he is looking forward to when we can meet again. Knowing my schedule is a total crap shoot, I let him know that I have to figure that out, and let him know as soon as I do when that can be. I have already worked it out in my head that if I want to have a chance here, it needs to be soon! Dean is a total catch!  So I tell him that if he wants to see me again before my kids come home, that is has to be later in the week. So we decide on dinner that coming Friday, this time I would drive to his town, which is about 45 mins from my place. It was a bit of an aggressive move on my part, but I truly felt the risk was worth it. He seemed a bit taken aback by the haste, but he rolled with it. 

     So we met for dinner at one of his favorite places. Talked for another hour or more, ate dinner and decided on heading back to his temporary home, an RV, for a night cap and a movie. As much as we had hit it off the first night, it was all over the second date. He was just as much me as I am. It's totally weird to see myself as a man, but I have to say, I'm happy with the result. We are different enough that I knew it would be interesting, but similar enough that I knew we would be on the same wavelength for many things. 

    Like I typically do, in total "me" fashion, I tried to wall myself off to him. I kept him close enough to get to know me, but kept him far enough away to keep most of my heart intact if he decided that I wasn't worth the trouble. About another week later he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, and about 2 weeks after that we both deleted our online profiles. 

     This last six months has been a roller coaster ride for me. I was at a very low, lonely spot in my life when I met him. He has been so kind and caring, helping me through my anxieties about being in a relationship. Showing me that compassion still exists in this world. Dean is calm, steady, and unwavering. All the things that I lack walking into this. He sees how broken I am, how broken I was. He has helped me pull down those walls I took so long to build. He is a man of integrity, and I for one am completely beside myself that he chose me. Most of you know what a damned mess I can be, how abrasive I can get, and just how fucking great I have gotten at pushing people away. Dean sees it too, and he calls me out on it. He doesn't let me get away with it, he has a way with communicating with me, working through it so I can get to the heart of what is really concerning me. He gives me space when I am getting annoyed, and he pours in just as much love as I do. We speak the same language when it comes to that. We finally found something in each other that we had been missing so much in our lives. 

     So this is me, shedding my single girl attitude. Embracing the new adventure I have embarked on, and wishing and hoping that the best is yet to come. 

.... Until next time my friends   




  

Don't Ever Lower Your Standards

     Hello all, it has been a hell of a long time, huh!? Well I have been insanely busy with work, and of course as the kids get older, they become more social, but they still can't drive themselves around, so it's Momma's Free Uber service for the time being. Soon that will change however, as Adrienne is quickly approaching driving age! YIIKES! How did I get this old!? Shit... someone rewind the clock a few years, I am not sure if I am quite ready for that. She is a great kid, intelligent and witty, but I can't help but wonder what kind of teenage bullshit she is going to pull with me. So for now all I can do is offer her my advice and wisdom and hope that she keeps her standards high. I have wavered on mine from time to time, Lord knows I need help pulling my head out sometimes. So my hope for her is that she learns from my mistakes, makes a few minor ones on her own, and walks out into the world with her head tightly fastened to her shoulders. 

     Having high standards in life is very important, it gives you a self guide on the things you wish to achieve in life, the things you wish to better, and how you present yourself to the world. I have no idea how many times in my life I have been told that my standards are too high. Whether that is with a career choice, my love life, or just my day to day living. You see, I don't have a college degree, so applying for jobs that I know I possess the skills for, yet lack the piece of paper with some fancy letters on it, I get told to "set my sights lower". Fuck you, just because I don't have a BA in Office Management, doesn't mean I can't answer phones and make appointments Mr. Can't-Tie-His-Own-Tie. 

Same goes for my love life... I see an attractive man and lose all courage to speak to him because all those voices telling me he is "out of my league" are stitching my mouth shut. I know what I have to offer, and I know I am not the best looking woman out there. Does that really mean that I can't have my cake and eat it too? 

     I have had a checklist of sorts for the things I wish to find in a man. Since my divorce I have dated many that haven't quite fit the bill. Some were way off the mark, others were close, but missed a few important ones. I have been holding tight to that list though, determined to find this man who fit me, who made me smile from the inside out, and who took the time to show me every single day how much he cares for me and my kids. In my mind, this man is kind, loving, and considerate. He can sing, or at least carry a tune here and there. He is attractive and has done well for himself in life, not "rich", just comfortable. This man would put me at the top of his priorities list, and also have a spot in his heart for my children. He would embrace my weirdness and love me for me, not who he thinks I might become. In his eyes my flaws are just facets to my shining personality, his heart beats for me and only me. Now I know that there are some weirdly specific things on that list, and I don't really care what you think about that! It's my bizarre list and I am sticking to it! And it's a damned good thing that I did! Because I have met that man! 

     WHAT! No way! She must have finally snapped and thinks she has met this insanely specific man.... I know that's what you're thinking. Don't call the nice young men with the long white coats to take me just yet! He exists! I am so happy, and not in the "floating on cloud nine" kind of feeling. It's more like, I am finally grounded, feet firmly planted and for the first time in a long time I have a vision of what my future looks like. Yes I know how that sounds, and no, I am not crazy... well, maybe just a little... but I am still me after all. I am cautiously optimistic, and excited for what this may bring. 

     I see changes in my life ahead, and those changes will affect many areas. Housing, job, love, children, all these things will need to be re-evaluated and adjusted. You see that is the tricky part with dating and having kids. So many things have to come together perfectly. It's not easy, and I truly believe it can be done. It will take time and patience on all parts, and when it all comes together, I hope with all my heart that I will have my happily ever after. My life has been nothing but chaos these last 5 years. I have had moments where the chaos has controlled me, and where I have somewhat controlled it... nonetheless, it has still been a mess. If anyone deserves a happily ever after, it's me. So I am going to take it.

Until Next Time Friends

 

Post Break-up Revelations

     Hey guys, it's been a while since I have written anything down. Seems that I have been on a bit of an adventure in dating these last 4 months.... And well, I think that by now you may have guessed, that adventure has ended. Many of you didn't even know I was seeing someone exclusively, and for good reason. You see, there is this phenomenon that happens when people know their single friend is seeing someone. First they ask the million questions about how you met and why you like them and blah, blah, shut up for fucks sake, blah... Then comes the highly inappropriate questions... When are you getting married!? Do you want kids with them!? (if you want the answer to that last one read my previous blog entries.) I don't know why this happens, but I can tell you, as a person with other single friends I also find myself asking these questions. Well, not the inappropriate ones, but I do tend to grill my other single friends when they find someone new. Part of me believes that this is because we want to get an impression of said person before they are formally introduced, and we need to know if they will fit into our close knit group. The other part of me knows it's pure morbid curiosity. So yeah... that is the biggest reason I never really told many people that I was seeing anyone seriously.

     So back to it, my adventure with this man ended last night. It was hard, I hate that conversation, and I especially hate when you know it's coming and don't want it to end. When something like this sneaks up on you and hits you by surprise, it's devastating, but when you know that it's coming for at least 24 hours ahead of time... It's like being strapped to the front of a train that is barreling towards a blown up bridge... 20 miles out... being pelted with gravel... I suppose that feeling would be impending doom. It's the worst. The thing about this break up, it was both of those things wrapped into one.  
Not only did I know this conversation needed to be had a full day before it did, I had been completely happy with this man only 2 days before this. Talk about a punch in the gut...

     I really need to touch on the revelation that I got from this relationship's end. Don't hold onto your past so hard that you allow it to affect your future relationships. I know that your past shapes you into the person that you are, and to some extent will have some effect on how you care for the next person you fall for. However, you cannot expect to move forward with your life and find true happiness, if you keep the mindset that you have always had. There are reasons why people grow and change over time, it is so we can learn from our mistakes and not make them over and over again. They say that the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. I have done an awful lot of soul searching over the last two years, and I can honestly say that keeping the same baggage from past relationships is very difficult to unpack. With each person that comes and goes, you gain another little bit of self doubt, trust issues and perhaps even another insecurity or two depending on how they treated you. Those things should be tended to as they come up, and your new potential partner should be made aware of what they may be walking into. In my experience, talking about ex's is ok as long as it's not beaten to death. So that means that before you start trying to date seriously, you need to make sure that you are over your last ex.
     You will begin to notice that the baggage you carry will shift and change as you move forward. Some of the things I have held onto from my ex husband have lessened quite a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I will still be aware of red flags and I keep my guard up before allowing someone to get too close to me. But trying to drag the issues I found with men in my past, into a new relationship with a completely different person... that is crazy.
   
     In the same way that you love your friends for their very different personalities, you will find the same thing in the men you date. At least I have. I know that I have a type, well, I have noticed a pattern to the men I have found myself attracted to. It still doesn't mean that they are all similar in personality. So when dating, one of the biggest mistakes you can make, is expecting that your new person will react to things in the same way your ex, or ex's, did. I am absolutely learning this myself as I go on, and trying to interpret some people is much harder than others. I suppose my point here is that you should always give someone a chance if you feel like there is potential there. Just because you had an ex react badly to something, doesn't mean that the next person will.

     I don't want any of you to change who you are as a person, if that is what you took away from this, then you are mistaken. I want everyone to find happiness, love, and I want you to find all that in yourselves. Never expect someone to bring that into your life. Those are things that you will need to come already prepared with. You will find that when you show up to your next life step, all whole and happy... it will make the next adventure that much sweeter.

Until Next Time My Friends.    

Online Dating Profiles

     Hey guys, can we just talk for a minute about online dating profiles? In theory the concept seems pretty fucking simple. You take about 15 to 20 minutes to write down a few interests and describe yourself. Upload a few flattering images of yourself to highlight your best features, and then send it off into the abyss of the internet.... WRONG! Here's how it really goes. First you browse through your hundreds of selfies, trying to find the perfect one to be the main image, the first impression. Fuck me, that is a lot harder than it should be! I mean come on, I'm not a terrible looking woman, so why is it, that I can look at an image of myself and rip it to shreds in about 3 seconds!? Dammit, I ended up going off my facebook likes and comments. That's right, an impromptu popularity contest. I scrolled through my profile pics and chose the best 3 or 4 that my friends and family liked the most. Phew... that only took.... 2 hours!? Are you shitting me!? Fuck... ok, now I need to fill the rest of this godforsaken thing out. Height, body type, religion, kids, job.... fuck is this a dating site or an FBI interrogation? Alright, now I just need to type in some hobbies... What do I do in my spare time? I'm drawing a blank... crap... ummmm... should I put on here that I blog randomly and binge watch Netflix until I pass out every night? No, dammit, I need to sound fun. Ok, basics, camping, hiking, fishing, ok that is a few things. Now I have to write a damned paragraph about myself!? You know what, fuck it, I have been doing this shit way too long. I am not going to be nice anymore. I'll spare you all the details, but this thing is about 3 paragraphs long. Bet that not one of these fools reads a damned word.

     OK, so I have spent... wait... is that right? 4 mother fucking hours on this shit!? Why did I waste so much time? I could have been doing something more productive, like finding out who dies this week on Supernatural. Those guys are always dying. Crap, focus, you're supposed to go browse through men's profiles now. Here we go, click, click, is that a fucking dolphin? Where the hell did he read that posing with a dolphin would help pick up chicks? Moron, click, click, whoah, that is the biggest unibrow I have ever seen.... Ok, moving on. I have probably clicked through dozens of profiles and I have to wonder, where did these guys get so many dogs? Is there a site somewhere that is telling these guys to pose with a dog to get dates? Oh... there is? Well, that explains a lot. Why are these morons posting group pics? Hey! Douche nozzle! I don't want to play the guessing game, you all look like you fucked an entire sorority house. Wanna know how I can tell? The fohawk and the beer bong totally gives you away. Also posing with 3 or 4 random guys, and making me figure out which one of you is in all the pictures, is a real fast way to make me click the fucking X. Congratulations, you win the dip shit award.
 
     Can we pause a moment to talk about the guys posting pics of themselves from 5 or 10 years ago? Here is a news flash for you, if I like what I see, then I see how you look now and it's not even a little bit the same... I am not going to keep talking to you. Especially if you from 5 years ago looks good, and you now looks like the stay puff marshmallow man fucked Shrek and gave birth to your ass. I'm not typically one to get hung up on looks, but seriously, there has to be some kind of attraction there or this is going nowhere fast. Also, don't expect me to drive 2 hours to where you live for a first date. We meet in the middle, that is only fair. Hell you don't even have to pay for my lunch sweetheart, just don't be a dick.

     That brings me to another irritating thing I have noticed on these profiles. You get to select what kind of relationship you are searching for, you know, let people know how serious you are about all this. If you don't know what the fuck you want, then just select the "Just dating, noting serious" box. Do not go advertising that you want a relationship, or that you are putting serious effort into finding someone when you have no idea what you want. Especially if you have just broken up with someone. I'm not in here to be your rebound girl. Also, the casual dating/no commitment group. Give me a break, go to Tinder, that selection may as well read, "I'm emotionally constipated, but your vagina sounds neat!" Get the fuck out of my inbox with your hook up bullshit. Most of these guys are muscle built meat heads, they have no interest in carrying on a conversation, they just want to roll in the sack and peace out.

     Then we have the inspirational quote guys, shoot me now... These guys post one picture of themselves, and it's with terrible back lighting and you can't make out their face. Then the rest of the pics on their profile are lovey-dovey romance quotes. Give me a break, you are a level 10 clinger and you more than likely look like a gremlin that ate after midnight. Don't get me wrong, a little romance is great, but 5 romantic love quotes and then sending me a message that is straight out of some Victorian romance novel!? Overkill man, overkill. Dial it down about 20 notches, you are approaching "it puts the lotion on its skin" creepy. Also, don't fucking tell me that it looks like I smell nice. That kind of shit makes a woman want to send your profile information into crime stoppers. We are pretty sure you have your last girlfriend locked in your basement.

     Still clicking through these guys, I swear most of them need lessons on selfies. Holding your phone on your beer gut and then looking down at it does not help there Hoss. You look like the cattle you herd. Car selfies, so many car selfies. Ok, I get it, you can drive, awesome. Can you cook a meal? Can you hold down a job? Is that really your grandma's car? On a scale of 1 to 10, how insane are you? With women that last one is easy to determine, the more make up she wears, the crazier she is. Men are a mystery, he's cute, but is he going to make our waiter cry because he is a total dick? Yes, yes he is.

     Remind me why I keep doing this? Life long partner found online? I know it happens, I know people that this has worked for. I may be a different story, perhaps I am supposed to keep doing this shit so I can have writing material. I will keep on keeping on for you guys, my friends, my family. You all can take joy in reading about my disasters.
Until next time my friends.

Shower Fantasies

     Hey guys, I just have one question, why in the hell do we deep think/fantasize/feel emotional in the shower? Is it because we are naked, and therefore feel more open to the part of our mind that allows those thoughts and feelings to come through? Well you all know me, I googled that shit. Turns out that is close to what happens. When we do something that is relaxing, calming, or creative, our brains release dopamine. That release allows our sub conscious mind to come into consciousness, allowing our brains to become more creative, and also allows us to problem solve. Interesting.... fuck you, I found it interesting.

     Well during my shower this evening I was playing my vocal jazz station on Pandora, and dancing in the shower, naturally.... and I just kept thinking, one day I will find a man who is going to slip in quietly, and watch me do my weird little dance in the shower, and he will smile and fall more in love with me. In that raw nature, the dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, kind of uninhibited person that we all hide from the outside world, he will find beauty and grace.  OK, probably not so much grace, as I probably have the rhythm of a blind bongo player with one arm and a hook for a hand... nevertheless, he will be happy to call me his. In all my quirky glory, one day it will happen, well, at least in my shower induced, dopamine laden fantasy... it happens.

       I have also come up with possibilities for all my financial troubles... most solutions aren't exactly legal, but hey, this is my shower fantasy! If I want to open up a Rent-a-slut I can! There are no laws in my fantasies. I also have a hit-for-hire service, we primarily work with those that have been cheated on... so I'm a little jaded, show me anyone over the age of 30 who isn't and I will show you a fucking liar! That also reminds me, I once laughed at myself for a solid 5 mins after having a vision of liars pants actually catching on fire.

     So after all this thinking and fantasizing, a small part of me wonders if I have already met this man and told him to fuck off... or perhaps he was really creeping me out by staring at me from the dark corner of some smokey bar. Shit... I guess I am left with the fantasy. I'm not complaining though, because this man is tall, dark and handsome. He cooks for me, draws me a hot bath, and is amazing in bed. Until he manifests into reality, and doesn't irritate me with his grammar, I will hold onto my fantasy man.

Until next time friends!

Guarded, Locked and Loaded

     Hey guys, what's happening in your lives? Same shit different day? Great, me too. Only it's slightly different shit, and a totally random day. Let me elaborate on this.
     So remember when I said that I was willing to give anyone who asked me out at least one date. One shot to see if there is a spark, a connection, something I think I can work with? Well, I gave this man one date, and I was prepared to only give him the one, considering that he lives almost 2 hours from me. Distance is a hard thing to navigate when trying to spark any kind of relationship. It puts stress on it, causes doubts, and if the relationship isn't particularly stable to begin with, can cause it to crumble rather quickly. Well here I am, 3 dates later and I find myself liking this guy. So, in total ME fashion, of course I am still guarded and keeping him at arms length. In all fairness he was warned, repeatedly. I am not an easy sell, especially to someone that lives so far away, and has other issues that I will not divulge at this juncture. So far I don't think he has any ill meaning motives, no hidden mother issues, nothing that screams serial killer or total fucking nutcase. I'm absolutely taking my time with this, considering the factors I am dealing with. My trust level is pretty low, almost a zero, but that is something that must be earned over time through actions and observations. Not something I am willing to just hand over with some random texts and whispered promises.

     I have found myself wondering lately if I am being particularly stubborn because I can, or if it's something bigger than that. I have a totally dark and twisted way of thinking a lot of the time, and I found myself wondering if someone can run out of happy. What if you are given all the happy, love, and smiles for a lifetime when you are born, and I am running out? Perhaps I do have more, but they are reserved for other occasions and events in my life. When my children get married, when I become a grandparent, you know, things like that. What if, when it comes to relationships, I have put so much into the wrong people, I am just out of it to give for the next person, whether they are the right one or not? Fuck.... Told you it was dark and twisted in there. You see, I have become so content with being alone, that I have reached a point where I don't know how to switch it back on for another person. I have a hell of a time sleeping with someone lying next to me. I don't feel comfortable sharing my space with another person. I worry that they will mess up my routine, however chaotic it is. Then I also find myself thinking, maybe this is what I need to get past my bullshit. Maybe allowing someone in will let me put some effort into life again. Make me stop feeling so content to do nothing, pick myself up and get back out into the world and find what I want.

     I have discovered that I do miss some things that happen at the beginning of a relationship. The things that happen BEFORE the relationship. Learning things about a new person. Figuring out if you are compatible, if you can blend lives and if there is a spark. It also opens you up to meeting people in their inner circle and finding new faces and new experiences through each new person you meet. I have made some pretty good friends in the wake of dating. Met people that I wouldn't have been introduced to otherwise. If for nothing other than that experience, I don't mind dating. I am certainly glad that I got rid of the online dating fuckery. That was just getting plain ridiculous. I have never had to be such a bitch in my entire life than I had to be over the few months of online dating. These men seriously can't handle being told no. They also have no manners when they get behind that fucking keyboard. I have never been hit on in such a slimy, disgusting, degrading way, in my entire life! And I grew up with loggers, truckers and rednecks!

     So I will keep you all informed of what happens over the next few weeks. I am not going to get my hopes up. I'm not even sure what I'm hoping for at this moment. I know that I am happy, just the same as I was a few weeks ago prior to going on that first date with him. I am going to keep living my life as I was before, and if he wants to become a part of it, he will have to make his place. I am really tired of making a place for a new man in my life, only to have him back out unexpectedly and taking a piece of me with him. That will not happen again, not on my watch. I am very guarded, I have my heart under lock and key, in a castle, with a moat, and a fire breathing dragon. It's going to take some serious cannon fire to get me to open up. If you are the type to root for the underdog, you should probably send some good vibes his way. He's going to need all the ammunition he can get.

Until next time.

Food, Laughter and Love... So much Love

    
     I have been very busy lately, to say the very least. School has started up again, that means sports, scouts and lots and lots of meetings and homework! I know my fellow parents can feel my frustration with the homework. Fuck, talk about a shit show! I know my house is a trial of tears every single night! I have been trying to multi-task and prepare dinner while helping with the homework. I have made some wonderful meals over the last few weeks and I wanted to share a few of my faves! More importantly, these are favorite meals of my spawn as well.

     Rosemary & Garlic chicken with roasted rainbow potatoes with rainbow carrots. No pic for this, but just listen... er.. read about it.  So get yourself some chicken, I don't care, what ever part you like to eat. Season it up on both sides with garlic powder, crushed rosemary, black pepper, and a dash of sea salt. Preheat your oven to about 375. Put the mother cluckers into a glass baking pan with olive oil or coconut oil. Toss those in the oven for about 30 mins and then check on them. I use the poke method to check for done-ness. My more anal retentive friends may wish to use a meat thermometer. Chicken is cooked to food safe at 165F. You can toss those potatoes and carrots in some Herbs De Province, black pepper, sea salt, garlic powder and I tossed in some onion for flavor. Toss those in the oven next to the chicken. Yep, all at the same time. Dinner orgy happening in the oven. They should all be finished close to the same time. Give the taters and carrots an extra 10 minutes if you want them softer.

     Taco Tuesday! Ground beef, turkey or pork. Brown that in the frying pan with ground cumin (a teaspoon or so), Chili powder (about the same), crushed red pepper flakes if you like HOT!, garlic powder, onion powder, black pepper, & sea salt. When its cooked, add one 8oz can of tomato sauce. Re-up on all those seasonings from before. Go by taste, and take it easy on the salt until you know... trust me on that. Not going to waste my breath on the rest of the taco fixings. You know what you like on it, buy that.

     Meh, I said a few and there are 2. I will try to get you guys something else soon. I have so many dishes that I can whip up, I will try to share more with you. I have been loving life recently, so the food I cook has become more secondary to just enjoying the people around me! I have met a few new friends recently and had the pleasure of going to the Spokane Interstate Fair with them. I have to say that I have not had that much fun at a fair since I was a kid! It's truly amazing what surrounding yourself with good people can do for the soul. I have laughed more, smiled more and been enjoying myself more. Finding people that don't think that your quirks are weird, they just get excited with you over the bizarre! Those are the kind of people you need in your life.

     My kids have been making me smile and laugh these last few weeks. They are growing into beautiful people. Each one of them has their own interesting personality. My amazing daughter is turning into the kind of person I have always known her to be. She is kind, thoughtful and so very strange! My heart fills when I see her growing into such an amazing young lady. Both my son's have been pushing my patience! As boys seem to do. They are turning into little gentlemen, however. I have gotten reports from teachers that they have been respectful and kind to the teachers and other students. Nothing makes you feel more proud than to have a stranger tell you that your child has been so highly thought of.

     As we are wrapping up another calendar year, and beginning another school year. I have been looking forward to the fun that will continue and to the new adventures that I will encounter. If you all have noticed... I have not mentioned online dating in this post! That's because I have turned off the fuckery for now. I have put a hold on the shit show. After 2 solid weeks of some seriously creepy men hitting on me, I have sworn off the dating sites for the time being. It took me about 10 showers to get the last few messages washed off me. *shudders* One or more of those dudes knows how to put a woman in the trunk of their car, I'm certain of it.

So go out! do something awesome and ABOVE ALL ELSE! Have fun!
Keep it Classy as fuck my friends!
Until next time.

Passive Aggressive Dating

     Ok, buckle up for the rant. I can no longer contain the irritation caused over a passive aggressive asshat! First off, let me say that I have been chatting with this guy for over a month now. He lives in another city and it has been difficult between our schedules to actually make time to meet. He might even have a link to my blog, come to think of it, so, if he's reading, I hope he takes some pointers for the next woman he speaks to.

     I work full time, HE works full time and then some. I have kids, he doesn't. So in addition to the conflicting work arrangements, I have the added complication of having time with my kids that WILL NEVER BE COMPROMISED! Fuck you if you think that I am willing to sacrifice the time I get with them. This basically leaves me open to go on dates 2 weeks a month. Then you have to factor in the time I spend with my friends. So that takes my 14 days and cuts it to about 10. Then factor in my early morning work schedule, so I really don't like to be out past 9pm on a work night. So that turns into only 5 hours per night of the work week that I am potentially free to meet someone. Then of course Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday is my day to relax and prep for my children to arrive home. I think that I'm down to 6 days in a month at this point. Never once did I let on that dating me would be easy. I tell every man that chooses to have any contact with me that I am busy, and I truly mean that I am BUSY.

     Secondly, I will not put up with someone who makes me feel guilty in anyway for being a working mother. I work hard and I raise my kids. If you can't deal with that, see your way out. I will not tolerate your passive aggressive texts. Fuck you, fuck off, you fucking fuck. Telling me that you're going to just give up on trying to meet me... fine, then don't meet me. I apologized for it being difficult. Then telling me that it is not for your lack of trying.... Oh, then it must be that I am not. OK then, Captain Dillhole. I'm done.

     When will these guys learn that you can't tell someone how "understanding" you are, then turn around and be an ass? That might be the way it works in the bars, or how it works with those thirsty hoes just looking for a dick to ride. I am not any of these bitches. I am perfectly content waiting for someone who truly understands my life and is willing to hang around and see how amazing I am. I think that I am worth the wait. The right man will agree with me. I treat my man good, no, better than good.... amazingly. I will go to the ends of the earth to make them feel welcome in my arms. I will settle for nothing less than the same treatment. So the next time that you feel the need to get hacked off at someone for not dropping everything in their life to meet you right now.... take a moment and try to understand how difficult it might actually be for them to rearrange their life for a few dates. People work, have kids, plans that were made long before you came stumbling into the picture. Don't force something to happen, it will happen in due time. Until that time comes, make your own plans, do your own thing and for the love of Fuck, don't plant your happiness in someone else's  garden!


Until next time my friends.

The "Friend Zone"

    

     Ok, I know that very many of you have heard this term. Shit, many of you think that you have put someone in the Friend Zone, or you think that you are in it. Well I'm here to tell you.... IT'S NOT A REAL THING! Fuck, come on. All these people whining about being stuck in the Friend Zone. Boo Hoo, so-and-so put me in the Friend Zone. Bitch please, no they didn't! You put yourself there. You decided to be their friend after they rejected you. Or what really happened, is that you didn't have the balls to even tell them that you wanted to date them to begin with! So instead of growing a pair and asking them out, you cry bitch baby tears over being put in this mythical place.

     You have no reason to be crying and whining over it. How about you suck it up and go to the person that you'd like to try things with, and fucking tell them! All it takes is about 10 seconds of courage to spit out the words you want to say. The worst thing that can happen is that they will tell you they aren't interested. In the grand scheme of things is that really the most horrible thing that they can do to you? Hell No! They could be that crazy bitch that tossed your shit in the front yard and set it on fire! If you really believe that they are your friend to begin with, they wouldn't hurt you like that. A friend would feel badly if they had to let you down, so they would do it kindly. Instead, you're out there in the bar, or online, dating the craziest bitches and then calling that person who "Friend Zoned" you and bitching to them that you can't find anyone decent to date!

     I am here to tell you that it's not the worst thing in the world to put yourself out there. I have done it a few times. Is it hard? Yes, absolutely. You know what is harder though? Never knowing if they feel the same way. I have gotten the chance to go on a date with someone who was a friend. It's not that bad. You can get a feel for the romantic side of them and see if you are compatible. Worst case scenario is that the date is SO BAD, that you loose that friend forever. Best case scenario is that you end up with an amazing person to date, that already knows how fucked up you are and totally loves you for it. Take that chance. If they end up not in your life afterward, it's because they really weren't supposed to be there. True friends will stick around.

     So good luck out there! I hope you will go out on the limb, and tell a friend that you have been thinking about them in a different light for a long time, and that you would like to see if something could come of it. 

Until next time my friends!  

Sexual Misadventures and Dating Catastrophies

     Hello to my new friends! So I wanted to share some of my crazy misadventures, and some of the things that have happened to me while meeting up with dates I met online! Fuckery... purest in form. That is the only way I can describe some of these encounters. Read on, and enjoy!

     So not too long after I was separated from my husband, about 4 months or so, I decided that I needed a test if you will. A test man to see if I was still emotionally attached to my soon to be ex Husband. After a few weeks of deciding that I would bite the bullet and sign up for an online dating profile, I got a bite on Facebook of all places. An acquaintance from high school was going out to a local bar and wanted to know if anyone might want to join him. I went ahead and met him. I turned out to be the only person that responded to the request. We sat for a few hours and talked, caught up on some things, then decided to leave. No sooner had we left the bar, he turned and kissed me. It was wonderful! Soft, yearning, and a little bit forceful, I was turned on. We agreed to head to my place. We got right down to business, and that's when things got nasty... and not the good  kind of nasty. He was sweating profusely, it was so fucking disgusting, that I made every noise and muscle spasm in the book to make him finish and get off me! Mission was accomplished! However disgusting that guy was, I quickly realized that I was shut down emotionally. He never got a call back, because let's face it, ladies don't have one night stands. We hold auditions and if you aren't up to par, we just don't call you again.

     After him, I gained my courage and dated a few guys. I give them nicknames because I didn't care to recall them by name for all my stories told. Plus, there are a couple with the same name, it keeps them from getting confused. Please don't think me a slut, a whore or anything of the sort! I didn't sleep with all these guys. Many of them never made it past a first date. Here we go! I'll try to make this as painless as possible for you... Lord knows it was hell for me.

     Clingy guy, I dated him for 3 months and was suffocated! He was an idiot, I literally felt dumb just hanging around him. I had to flip the bitch switch to get him to leave me alone finally. Muscle guy, he is cute, funny and younger than me. We had fun, maybe too much fun. I'm still friends with this one, he has someone amazing in his life and I wish him well. Then there was the Lizard. His nickname was decided on because of his kissing style. Let me also mention that this guy was a self proclaimed "amazing kisser". GAG! Geeky guy, I felt bad for him because our date was interrupted by some of my insane friends at the bar. He was so scared he didn't even walk me to my car afterward.
Boring guy, took me to tea and a book store at 3 in the afternoon. It would have been a good date if he wasn't so dreadfully boring! Leave me alone guy! Oh man... this guy was a real piece of work. He was doing alright until after the second date. We were having a perfectly normal conversation the next day. Then for no reason whatsoever, he tells me to leave him alone. He later says he was having a bad day... No problem buddy! I don't have time for a ride on your Bi-polarcoaster. I'm OUT. Really Tall Guy got a knife pulled on him for being an epic fail dumbass. He "playfully" pushed me on our FIRST date... His playful push almost made me eat shit on the sidewalk. I told him not to push me and that I had a knife. The fucking moron then decided to grab my hair and pull my head back and joke that I couldn't do anything. I had that knife whipped out of my purse and snapped open so fast he didn't even know what the hell to do. He later text me and said I scared him. GOOD! Stupid mother fucker.
I can't forget the You should go home now Guy. That poor sap drug my puking drunk ass home from the bar one night. It was an epic fail night that ended with me waking up to him staring at me. I asked him how far away he lived. He replied that it was just up the road from me.... I said "you should probably walk home now. Lock the door on your way out." Thankfully I never saw that one again... Talk about a bad experience!

     I have still kept my faith that one of these times I will actually meet a decent man. I know they are out there. The odds should start swaying to my favor before too long.... right? I mean the world is full of shitty human beings, this I know. However, I know very many good ones too. One of them is bound to find me and treat me like the beautiful, crazy, half bitch I am! He will touch my butt and feed me tacos, and do the housework that I don't want to do! Ahhh, yes, I have faith...

Until next time my friends!

    

The Importance of Great Friends

   
      I don't think that I can stress it enough to everyone, how important it is to have amazing friends in your life at all stages. These people in the pictures are some of my amazing friends that I can count on to stick by me through think and thin. They make me laugh, cry, laugh until I cry, and forget all about my worries if just for a few hours. It's so incredibly important to find a few people like this to keep around. I wouldn't trade a single one of them off for anything. Each person in these photo's offers me something different, yet they all offer one very similar and very important thing.... LOVE. Don't roll your fucking eyes at me! If you don't love your friends then you're doing it wrong. Read on...

     We can act insane together and none of us judge the other. We embrace each other and all the quirks that come along with. This is how to live life. One moment at a time, one day at a time, and one crazy wild ride all the way through. Be the support and back up to your friends, and you will have some of the best relationships come out of it. I think that the relationships that my friends and I have, are stronger than any other relationship I have ever been in. We know how messed up the other one is, how dark and twisty that rabbit hole can get, yet we accept that. And we are comfortable in knowing that they are just as accepting of your own dark and twisted brain.

     Keeping people around when you are going through happy times is probably more important than just venting to them about all your troubles. We lift each other up when one is down. We can't all be the Debbie downers! We slap a smile on our face until we trick our brain! Trust me, when your friend starts laughing and smiling when they started off the night with a forced grin... there is no better therapy in the world. It feels good to help someone. Plus they start to laugh at you when you make silly faces and say "Smile Fucker!" Ok, well my friends do... we have a special kind of relationship. You might want to come up with your own ways, mine can be offensive to some. Best part about my friends is that they aren't offended easily.

     These people are my sounding board, my go to, and my courage when I need it. They will give me their opinions on men and dating, on work, on other friends and on the ex's of course. They will guide me on my journey through life.

     I know that I kept this blog post more on the serious side, and I hope that it was still a good read. These people deserve nothing but respect from me. I can joke around and be sarcastic to them, have inside jokes and poke fun at them... But no one can love them like I do.

     I hope you will all go tell your friend(s) how much they mean to you! Give them a call, text, or facebook message. Let them know what they have brought to the table. Tell them what they have done for you. I bet that some of them have no idea how much they might mean to you.

Until next time my friends!

Muddling through Boredom

    
        

          Hello my wonderful friends! I have a few topics to share with you all today! I hope that you all enjoy my thoughts and opinions.
         
         Well, it has been kind of a quiet week for me. No dates scheduled, nothing crazy happening, and I'm just happy to have some quiet time for myself. So in this (hopefully) short period of calmness, I shall focus on my own needs and wants. I highly recommend that every person in the world do this from time to time. I don't care if you are married, a parent, young, or old, take time for yourself! Ideally this time would be long enough to center yourself and find your happy. For my own sanity, I take walks around this beautiful town I live in. There are a lot of nature trails where I can get some peace and feel like I'm grounded.

          Now I mentioned that I hoped this was a short period of calm, that's because I find that a few things happen to me when I remain still for too long. I stop thinking that anything sounds fun, I turn down invites to go out and I end up binge watching Netflix. Then I start to feel depressed and lonely, which is stupid since it's a product of my own making. So, I hope that I will not have too many days where I'm not scheduled to do something.

          The online dating has been going slowly, which isn't a bad thing I suppose. I'm quite selective on who I respond to. I'll share with you how I sift through the Who's Who of human shit. First off, like everyone else, there has to be some sort of attraction there. Be it your choice of words, physical appearance, or the way you come across through my computer screen. I'm willing to look past the physical appearance, for the most part, if a man engages me in an interesting conversation. I like intelligence, I crave it. I am not the type of person that can overlook someone's intelligence for beauty. A man can be drop dead gorgeous, however, if he's ignorant, I can't even pretend to like him.
Then there are the "Hi" guys. COME ON! give me more to work with than that. This includes, but is not limited to, these lousy attempts at conversation: Hey, Hello, Sup, You are hot or 'your hot' (come the fuck on, grammar people!), Hey Sexy, Hotttttttttt.... etc.....
This will not get a response out of me about 95% of the time. If I spoke to you after a message like this, congratulations, you caught me in a weak moment. If the conversation doesn't progress past pleasantries however, I will become bored with you and will end the conversation by no longer responding.
Now I'm left with the physical appearance. I'm just like everyone else, I'm sorry, you have to be somewhat good looking. If you look like you have lived under a bridge, or should, I probably won't talk to you. There is a certain level of creep factor in appearance. I can't exactly describe what it is, but if I look at your picture and feel uneasy or just plain grossed out, you're not getting a reply. You should probably lower your standards and try again.
 ALL that being said, I will still end up dropping off the map for about another 60% of the guys I actually try to converse with. Some of them are just boring, or don't take the time to get back to me, or just end up not being what I am looking for in a man.
It just seems to boil down to a few factors, be interesting, be unique in how you speak to me, make up for what possible physical shortcomings you might have in your personality, and above all else be respectful! Not only to me, but to yourself and others. I hope that gave you guys a little bit to work with, and I hope my girl friends out there read this and saw some things they liked in my personal screening process. It's overwhelming and can be really scary out there! I wish you all the best.

          I hope to have another cooking post for you guys this week. I had a delicious pork chop, baked potato and steamed broccoli last night. I didn't take a pic though. I'll try to be better! Let me know what you'd like to read about! Comment, send me an email, hit me up on Facebook! I love hearing from people.

Until next time my friends!



         

  

Running into your Ex at the Bar

          Hello again! So I have been very busy this week making new connections, hanging out with friends old and new, and running into the dreaded Ex at the bar.... (enter doom music). This was not my ex Husband, it was my ex Boyfriend. You know, the loser I wasted 2 years on? Yeah... THAT guy.

         So I think that men and women can agree, that we have all had this type of person at some point or another. The type that takes full advantage of you, and offers just enough in return to make you think that deep down is a decent person. Maybe you have dated them, maybe they were a friend, or maybe they are a family member. That is the type of person my ex BF is. He had me hook, line and sinker after one date. Crazy right!? I'm such a level headed person most of the time, how in the hell did this guy blow apart the fortress around my heart so easily? How did he tame that fire breathing dragon guarding the door? HOW in the ever loving fuck did he get past all of that, and crack open the steel box welded around my heart!? This guy knew just what to say and when to say it. He knew which gestures to make and when to make them. He was playing me like a fiddle from the start, and sometimes I feel like he's still playing it.

          So upon arriving and realizing that he was there, I had that mini heart attack that we all do. "Shit! did he see me? Wait, why do I care!? I shouldn't care. Calm down, breathe, you don't care. You look good! He should see you so he can eat his heart out! Wait, does he have a heart?" My friend is a bouncer at the door, I stop and chat with him for a few minutes. Then the friends I came in with procured the table right next to the door. PERFECT! You see my Ex is a DJ, so he is stuck in the DJ booth across the bar at the dance floor.

          Thank God I have good friends, Laura and Dan kept me laughing and distracted most of the evening. I stopped caring that he was even there after about 10 minutes. We were checking out guys in the bar, flirting, giggling about facebook posts and stupid people. As the bar reached closing time I was back to hiding from him. Not because I was feeling anything, but because I did not have any desire whatsoever to communicate with this heartbreaking tool bag. We all left the bar together and had a good laugh at the fact that he was trying to wave at Laura to get her attention.

          I think that the lesson I took out of last night was this; As long as you have great friends in your life, you don't need to worry, you will be JUST fine....
Until next time my friends!

Welcome to my life!

     Let me introduce myself first off, my name is Leigh-Ann, I am a single mother just living my life the best way I know how. After much urging from my well meaning family and friends I have decided to create my own blog page. The title might throw you for a loop since this is not going to be all about cooking! I will make random posts regarding my life, my kids, my insanity, and the very interesting (using that term loosely) world of online dating. Now please don't get me wrong, I REALLY love food! I promise that I will post some of my "Lonely girl meals" on here as well.

*Edit: I have since changed the name of my blog from "Tonight on Lonely Girl Cooking" to its current title. 

     A little bit of back story.... 3 1/2 years ago I found myself suddenly single after 11 years of marriage. I was devastated, heartbroken and generally depressed. I had to learn how to survive on my own, claw my way back to my feet and care for my children. I've made peace (mostly) with my ex husband and his girlfriend. I split 50/50 custody with him, despite my anger and resentment for him. The bottom line was that he was a great father, and a shitty husband. Trust me when I say it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I feel MUCH better now for taking the high road. I chose a path for happiness and strength, the other road seemed full of hate, regret and sadness... No thank you! So after about 11 months of being single I jumped back into the dating scene, all brand new like a newborn calf. I dated a LOT of losers, one of which I stuck with for 2 years, don't ask me why. Now I'm back at it, more experience, more self worth and WAY more confidence!
    
I hope you will stick around for the shenanigans! I seem to find myself in them often! My next post will be my last few dating experiences, stay tuned, shit's about to get real!