Tomorrow, I change my name
Well hello again friends! Man has it been a long time since I wrote something brand spanking new! I have had the most fun sharing my dating nightmares, my struggle with finding inner peace, and my quest to become happy in my love life. I have had many triumphs along the way, from calling out creeps, to finally meeting the man I had been waiting so long for. In order to reach those however, I certainly had to pay my dues. You guys, some of those dates I went on... fuck me those were HORRIBLE! I met some people that should never be allowed to interact with other humans! I made it as a single mother for 7 years and I never thought I could make it through 7 days! To all my single parent friends, I applaud you, seriously, you guys are so fucking awesome you deserve ALL the things. Not only was I welcomed with open arms into that little sub community of parents, we all had similar stories and problems, we all had insane stresses and heart breaks, yet we all relied on each other to keep our sanity. We shared ideas and offered help, we traded hand me downs and child care. We are all in the same village, helping each other out, thank you for being my people.
For my best friends, my squad, my people... If it weren't for you all, I would not have become the woman I am today, My closest friends and family, you have supported me, held me up when I had nothing left, and you were all my cheerleaders along the way. I will love you all until the day I die. If I could have had the biggest damned wedding my little heart desired, I would have had the biggest wedding party ever!
Wedding... Yeah... I got fucking MARRIED! AGAIN! What the HELL is wrong with me! Well, at least that is what I imagine some of you may be yelling, or maybe that is what was ringing through my head when I said yes to Tony. The thing is, that I knew he was the man I wanted to be with long before he asked me. Granted, this is me we are talking about and I kept that titanium wall locked tight for a long time. I did not want to fall for him the way I did, I tried to keep him at arm's length, but dammit, he just stuck around anyway. There was no pushing Tony away because he was right there reminding me that I am enough, I am a good person, and I deserved his love. He never wavered, never set unrealistic expectations, and he always, always made up anytime he caused me any sort of hurt and emotional pain. He does these things because he too is a broken human. Broken by the one person he trusted with his heart, same as me. We went through such similar pain, that it was so easy to help each other along the way. Each one of us being wiser, from our learned experiences, and being able to see and communicate any tiny issues before they become something larger than life. We have the power of hindsight on our side, being able to look back at our own mistakes and doing our part to try and do better this time around. So why am I suddenly having this hard time grasping that I am now becoming Mrs. Florence.
Identity crisis? I mean that seems to make the most sense, I am having an identity crisis. Perhaps it isn't a crisis though, maybe a small bump in life? I didn't have a hard time changing my name the first time around, so excited to learn my new signature and initials, I couldn't wait until people asked my name and I would proudly give them my new name. I had the same general excitement, until I started to actually begin the process, shit, I forgot how much of a pain in the ass this is. Calling every company you do business with to give them the new name. Changing bank accounts, loans, credit cards, filling out name change paperwork for every damned thing under the sun! I had to do this twice already, this is the third time... and it will be the LAST time. I do not want anyone else by my side, Tony is the one for me. He doesn't always understand me, but he tries. This man is simply the best person I have met, he has so much patience that it is hard to believe. Florence, Leigh-Ann Marie Florence. I will get used to saying it, and signing it.
So today is my final blog entry, a final toast to all the crazy antics, and a big middle finger to my ex's that made this journey so messed up. They never deserved me, and I never deserved the garbage they dumped on me. I know that, I also know that they can no longer control my life. I have let that shit go, so a great big fuck off to the emotional roller coaster that was my life for 8 long years. When we finally get to the point in our lives, when we start making decisions for ourselves and not for other people, that is when we can most easily walk away from those people that no longer serve a valuable place in our head space. They don't pay rent here, they are gone from my brain. I have a new life, a new family, and a new husband to love me in the best way he knows how. Like the tide pulling the ocean in and out, I have sent that past out into the sea. This chapter of my life has been life changing, eye opening, and made me so, so humble.
I cannot wait to see what life has to bring me in the future. My kids are all lined up to begin their next chapter's too, with my beautiful daughter starting them off by graduating next June. This is usually where I sign off until next time, but here, this is the end of my journey. So goodbye friends, keep moving forward, and always choose kindness. The world needs more of that shit.
