Sunday, August 30, 2015

The New Age of "Dating"


     Ok, today I have a rant post. This is directed at some of the online "dating" apps. I use the term dating VERY loosely here, just like the men and women on the sites! HA! Tinder, Grinder, Hot or Not.... these are not dating apps, they are hook-up apps. This shit makes getting laid easy. Personally I hate that people are so damned willing to give it up these days! It's pretty much expected anymore. You chat for a few mins, flirt heavily, send nude pics and then you meet up! Gross, and they wonder why STD's are so widespread. Did you know that 10% of adults in the US ages 20-29 have Herpes! Those are just the cases that KNOW they have it! 1.4 Million have Chlamydia, 330k have Gonorrhea, and 17k have Syphilis! Well now, that makes me want to swipe right, how about you!

     Not only is this becoming such a fucking joke to call it dating, it is making the idea of monogamy something of the past. I like to call it the "Grass is Always Greener" complex. The person who is supposed to love you and care for you, just can't help but wonder if there is another person better for them out there. I get it, I totally get it. However, maybe you don't go looking for it while you are supposed to be focusing on the person you have chosen to be with. You picked them! You said that you loved them! How can you expect them to be devoted to you, when you are too busy looking for the next bed to warm?

     I hate trying to dig through all the bull shit to find one decent man to try this whole relationship thing with. I have found the liars, the users, and the useless fucks. The guys who only want to sext, the asshats that only want a hook-up, and the liars that say they are single when they aren't. Although, all these might be attached men due to the fact that they want no commitment whatsoever. The casual dating is not my style, not in the sense that a lot of men seem to think anyway. To me, casual dating is meeting for drinks after work, coffee, working out, generally keeping things simple and not stressing about fancy dinners and putting out!

     Be careful out there people, use protection and please don't use these sites to cheat on your significant other. If you don't want to be with them then break up with them. Do not string them along and make them believe that you still love them, because if you are willing to actively look for another person to spend your time with.... You DON'T love them at all.

Until next time my friends!


Sunday, August 23, 2015

Sexual Misadventures and Dating Catastrophies

     Hello to my new friends! So I wanted to share some of my crazy misadventures, and some of the things that have happened to me while meeting up with dates I met online! Fuckery... purest in form. That is the only way I can describe some of these encounters. Read on, and enjoy!

     So not too long after I was separated from my husband, about 4 months or so, I decided that I needed a test if you will. A test man to see if I was still emotionally attached to my soon to be ex Husband. After a few weeks of deciding that I would bite the bullet and sign up for an online dating profile, I got a bite on Facebook of all places. An acquaintance from high school was going out to a local bar and wanted to know if anyone might want to join him. I went ahead and met him. I turned out to be the only person that responded to the request. We sat for a few hours and talked, caught up on some things, then decided to leave. No sooner had we left the bar, he turned and kissed me. It was wonderful! Soft, yearning, and a little bit forceful, I was turned on. We agreed to head to my place. We got right down to business, and that's when things got nasty... and not the good  kind of nasty. He was sweating profusely, it was so fucking disgusting, that I made every noise and muscle spasm in the book to make him finish and get off me! Mission was accomplished! However disgusting that guy was, I quickly realized that I was shut down emotionally. He never got a call back, because let's face it, ladies don't have one night stands. We hold auditions and if you aren't up to par, we just don't call you again.

     After him, I gained my courage and dated a few guys. I give them nicknames because I didn't care to recall them by name for all my stories told. Plus, there are a couple with the same name, it keeps them from getting confused. Please don't think me a slut, a whore or anything of the sort! I didn't sleep with all these guys. Many of them never made it past a first date. Here we go! I'll try to make this as painless as possible for you... Lord knows it was hell for me.

     Clingy guy, I dated him for 3 months and was suffocated! He was an idiot, I literally felt dumb just hanging around him. I had to flip the bitch switch to get him to leave me alone finally. Muscle guy, he is cute, funny and younger than me. We had fun, maybe too much fun. I'm still friends with this one, he has someone amazing in his life and I wish him well. Then there was the Lizard. His nickname was decided on because of his kissing style. Let me also mention that this guy was a self proclaimed "amazing kisser". GAG! Geeky guy, I felt bad for him because our date was interrupted by some of my insane friends at the bar. He was so scared he didn't even walk me to my car afterward.
Boring guy, took me to tea and a book store at 3 in the afternoon. It would have been a good date if he wasn't so dreadfully boring! Leave me alone guy! Oh man... this guy was a real piece of work. He was doing alright until after the second date. We were having a perfectly normal conversation the next day. Then for no reason whatsoever, he tells me to leave him alone. He later says he was having a bad day... No problem buddy! I don't have time for a ride on your Bi-polarcoaster. I'm OUT. Really Tall Guy got a knife pulled on him for being an epic fail dumbass. He "playfully" pushed me on our FIRST date... His playful push almost made me eat shit on the sidewalk. I told him not to push me and that I had a knife. The fucking moron then decided to grab my hair and pull my head back and joke that I couldn't do anything. I had that knife whipped out of my purse and snapped open so fast he didn't even know what the hell to do. He later text me and said I scared him. GOOD! Stupid mother fucker.
I can't forget the You should go home now Guy. That poor sap drug my puking drunk ass home from the bar one night. It was an epic fail night that ended with me waking up to him staring at me. I asked him how far away he lived. He replied that it was just up the road from me.... I said "you should probably walk home now. Lock the door on your way out." Thankfully I never saw that one again... Talk about a bad experience!

     I have still kept my faith that one of these times I will actually meet a decent man. I know they are out there. The odds should start swaying to my favor before too long.... right? I mean the world is full of shitty human beings, this I know. However, I know very many good ones too. One of them is bound to find me and treat me like the beautiful, crazy, half bitch I am! He will touch my butt and feed me tacos, and do the housework that I don't want to do! Ahhh, yes, I have faith...

Until next time my friends!


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

It's OK to Treat Yourself to a Decent Meal Sometimes

     After a couple weeks of no food posts, I'm getting back to why I created this blog in the first place! FOOD! Delicious, amazing, melt in your mouth awesomeness. 

     Tonight I made myself a rib-eye steak, asparagus, and roasted potatoes. 

     Looks amazing right!? That's because it was! Sorry, but I have to say, that I even impress myself sometimes. 

     So that sizzling hot hunk of beef was a tender, seasoned to perfection, cooked to medium rare, orgasm in my mouth. Combined with the roasted potatoes and asparagus, it was a meal fit for a Queen. I seasoned my steak with garlic and onion powder, pink Himalayan salt and fresh cracked pepper. I tossed it into the oven with the potatoes during the last 5 minutes of cooking time, at 400 degrees F.  After I pulled the potatoes out of the oven I cranked on the broiler, and cooked the steak for approximately 3-4 minutes each side. The asparagus was cooked in my cast iron frying pan on medium-high heat with about 2tblsp of butter and a splash of olive oil. Seasoned with ground blue salt, cracked pepper and garlic powder. I fried in the pan for 4 minutes, then added about a half cup of water and turned the heat on high until the water evaporated, making sure to toss them in the pan a few times.
My roasted potatoes are a combo of small red, purple and gold potatoes. Seasoned with that black lava salt, garlic powder, cracked pepper and crushed rosemary. 

     Well that's it! quick and dirty for you tonight folks. Cooking with me is fast paced and fun! Don't just wing it if you aren't comfortable though. Slowly work your way into it. I've ruined many a meal just flying by the seat of my pants and fucking it all up in epic failure glory! When cooking you should always stand in the kitchen and babysit your food. Unless it's slow cooking in the oven or crockpot. I hope that some of my tips help you to expand on your cooking horizons! I'm no gourmet chef.... but I am a damned good home cook! 

Until next time my friends! 

Monday, August 17, 2015

The Importance of Great Friends

      I don't think that I can stress it enough to everyone, how important it is to have amazing friends in your life at all stages. These people in the pictures are some of my amazing friends that I can count on to stick by me through think and thin. They make me laugh, cry, laugh until I cry, and forget all about my worries if just for a few hours. It's so incredibly important to find a few people like this to keep around. I wouldn't trade a single one of them off for anything. Each person in these photo's offers me something different, yet they all offer one very similar and very important thing.... LOVE. Don't roll your fucking eyes at me! If you don't love your friends then you're doing it wrong. Read on...

     We can act insane together and none of us judge the other. We embrace each other and all the quirks that come along with. This is how to live life. One moment at a time, one day at a time, and one crazy wild ride all the way through. Be the support and back up to your friends, and you will have some of the best relationships come out of it. I think that the relationships that my friends and I have, are stronger than any other relationship I have ever been in. We know how messed up the other one is, how dark and twisty that rabbit hole can get, yet we accept that. And we are comfortable in knowing that they are just as accepting of your own dark and twisted brain.

     Keeping people around when you are going through happy times is probably more important than just venting to them about all your troubles. We lift each other up when one is down. We can't all be the Debbie downers! We slap a smile on our face until we trick our brain! Trust me, when your friend starts laughing and smiling when they started off the night with a forced grin... there is no better therapy in the world. It feels good to help someone. Plus they start to laugh at you when you make silly faces and say "Smile Fucker!" Ok, well my friends do... we have a special kind of relationship. You might want to come up with your own ways, mine can be offensive to some. Best part about my friends is that they aren't offended easily.

     These people are my sounding board, my go to, and my courage when I need it. They will give me their opinions on men and dating, on work, on other friends and on the ex's of course. They will guide me on my journey through life.

     I know that I kept this blog post more on the serious side, and I hope that it was still a good read. These people deserve nothing but respect from me. I can joke around and be sarcastic to them, have inside jokes and poke fun at them... But no one can love them like I do.

     I hope you will all go tell your friend(s) how much they mean to you! Give them a call, text, or facebook message. Let them know what they have brought to the table. Tell them what they have done for you. I bet that some of them have no idea how much they might mean to you.

Until next time my friends!

Monday, August 10, 2015

Muddling through Boredom


          Hello my wonderful friends! I have a few topics to share with you all today! I hope that you all enjoy my thoughts and opinions.
         Well, it has been kind of a quiet week for me. No dates scheduled, nothing crazy happening, and I'm just happy to have some quiet time for myself. So in this (hopefully) short period of calmness, I shall focus on my own needs and wants. I highly recommend that every person in the world do this from time to time. I don't care if you are married, a parent, young, or old, take time for yourself! Ideally this time would be long enough to center yourself and find your happy. For my own sanity, I take walks around this beautiful town I live in. There are a lot of nature trails where I can get some peace and feel like I'm grounded.

          Now I mentioned that I hoped this was a short period of calm, that's because I find that a few things happen to me when I remain still for too long. I stop thinking that anything sounds fun, I turn down invites to go out and I end up binge watching Netflix. Then I start to feel depressed and lonely, which is stupid since it's a product of my own making. So, I hope that I will not have too many days where I'm not scheduled to do something.

          The online dating has been going slowly, which isn't a bad thing I suppose. I'm quite selective on who I respond to. I'll share with you how I sift through the Who's Who of human shit. First off, like everyone else, there has to be some sort of attraction there. Be it your choice of words, physical appearance, or the way you come across through my computer screen. I'm willing to look past the physical appearance, for the most part, if a man engages me in an interesting conversation. I like intelligence, I crave it. I am not the type of person that can overlook someone's intelligence for beauty. A man can be drop dead gorgeous, however, if he's ignorant, I can't even pretend to like him.
Then there are the "Hi" guys. COME ON! give me more to work with than that. This includes, but is not limited to, these lousy attempts at conversation: Hey, Hello, Sup, You are hot or 'your hot' (come the fuck on, grammar people!), Hey Sexy, Hotttttttttt.... etc.....
This will not get a response out of me about 95% of the time. If I spoke to you after a message like this, congratulations, you caught me in a weak moment. If the conversation doesn't progress past pleasantries however, I will become bored with you and will end the conversation by no longer responding.
Now I'm left with the physical appearance. I'm just like everyone else, I'm sorry, you have to be somewhat good looking. If you look like you have lived under a bridge, or should, I probably won't talk to you. There is a certain level of creep factor in appearance. I can't exactly describe what it is, but if I look at your picture and feel uneasy or just plain grossed out, you're not getting a reply. You should probably lower your standards and try again.
 ALL that being said, I will still end up dropping off the map for about another 60% of the guys I actually try to converse with. Some of them are just boring, or don't take the time to get back to me, or just end up not being what I am looking for in a man.
It just seems to boil down to a few factors, be interesting, be unique in how you speak to me, make up for what possible physical shortcomings you might have in your personality, and above all else be respectful! Not only to me, but to yourself and others. I hope that gave you guys a little bit to work with, and I hope my girl friends out there read this and saw some things they liked in my personal screening process. It's overwhelming and can be really scary out there! I wish you all the best.

          I hope to have another cooking post for you guys this week. I had a delicious pork chop, baked potato and steamed broccoli last night. I didn't take a pic though. I'll try to be better! Let me know what you'd like to read about! Comment, send me an email, hit me up on Facebook! I love hearing from people.

Until next time my friends!



Thursday, August 6, 2015

Adventures of a Single Mom Trying to Date!


     Ok, so as I covered earlier in my blog, I'm a mother of 3 wonderful kids. They are my world, I would do anything for them and love them each for the people they are. That being said, I'm done having kids. No more! 3 is plenty, thank you. Not to mention that they are all potty trained and can generally feed and care for themselves. Now I'm going to segway this into a dating rant here, so stick with me.

     So in the dating world there seem to be 3 types of man... The first type: Those that have no kids and don't ever care if they do, or flat out want none. This type of man I am cautious to date, mainly because they don't have a clue what goes into raising a child, therefore have no idea why I can't drop everything and run off anytime I like. 
The second type: Those who have their own kids and are ok with you having kids as well. These guys understand the throws of parenting somewhat. However, there can be serious issue if they don't see eye to eye with you on parenting techniques. I'm more inclined to date this type VS the others just because of the single parenthood common ground. 
The third type: The guys who have a biological clock that won't quit! This guy is hard to notice right off the bat. This guy is sneaky, he can blend into either of the other 2 categories fairly seamlessly. This guy scares the shit out of me! This is the type that will wait until your emotions are clouding your judgement. Or he will just catch you off guard at any given moment. You could know him for months, or just a few days or weeks before he drops the "I want a baby" bomb on you! This guy gets kicked to the curb with me. PEACE OUT! Not only no, but HELL NO! Shit, even my 12 year old daughter knows that this type of guy is out of his mind if he thinks a woman with 3 kids, (who has told him she's done with babies, mind you) is gonna have more for him. 

     Ok, phew! Sorry for the detour. It just seems that the more I dive into the rabbit hole of single life, the more motherhood and dating start to bleed across. My children know I date, however, I keep them from the painful reality of having men pop in and out of their lives. My kids have met exactly 2 boyfriends since my ex husband left. That's it. I do not parade men through my house, I do not schedule dates when I have them if I can help it, and above all, I DO NOT have them meet a man unless I am 100% comfortable with him myself. I know there are judgemental people out there who think I shouldn't even date until they are grown... To you I say, FUCK OFF! It's not your life, it's mine. My kids are protected and anyone who wishes to challenge that can say it to my face. I'll go ALL momma bear on you. 

So, I will have many more opportunities to share crazy stories with you. Family stories, dating stories and cooking stories. If there is anything y'all would like to have me share my opinion on, please leave me a comment.
Until next time! 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Double Duty Chicken!

     So tonight I will actually give you a cooking entry! Yay food! So I know what you're thinking already, "that's a lot of food for one." and you would be right, except for the fact that my kids are with me for the week. So what I decided to whip up for dinner is chicken breast that will pull double duty as a chicken pasta salad for tomorrow! Woohoo for stretching the budget!

     So to start off with, I didn't find this recipe online, this is just what I whipped up in my own kitchen out of my own food loving mind.

     The chicken breast is seasoned with crushed rosemary, black pepper, rosemary sea salt, onion powder and garlic powder. I do not cook with specific measurements, so don't even ask me how much is on each chicken breast. I added a moderate dusting of each seasoning to both sides of the chicken and rubbed it in. I cooked the chicken in a pan pre-heated to Medium, with a healthy dollop of organic coconut oil and 3 whole cloves of garlic. Covered and cooked approx 10 mins each side then removed the lid, and turned up the heat to medium high for about 2-3 mins to cook off the excess liquid and to brown the chicken. Please check your chicken with a thermometer to ensure it is cooked to the food safe temp of 165 degrees Fahrenheit. I used the old method of giving the thickest part a poke with a fork and ensuring the juice ran clear. Do not do this unless you are 100% confident in your own cooking skills, I don't recommend it.

     Ok, now for that fun and colorful pasta salad! Again, no exact measurements! Shit, I don't have time for that! Cook yourself some pasta, I chose small shells, you can get what ever floats your boat. Chop up some veggies, don't ask me what to put in there... I don't know what you like. I like many veggies, this has carrots, red bell pepper, broccoli and sugar snap peas. I also added real bacon bits because bacon is fucking awesome. I will chop up one of those yummy chicken breasts and toss it in there too. The dressing for this particular salad will be made with about 1c. of olive oil mayo because I like it, and a half packet of Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch. Toss the salad and then eat it! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! get your head outta the gutter...

     Now this is the only time I'm gonna explain to you why and how I can cook without specific measurements. I first learned to cook by grabbing a packet of seasoning at the store, you know what I'm talking about, the shit they don't even keep in the spice aisle. Well after a while cooking with those things I decided to take matters into my own hands and googled what kind of spices were in them, trust me when I say this, THROW THEM OUT! Holy hell there is a lot of bad, and useless shit in those things. So I went to the store and began stocking my spice cabinet, buy in bulk bottles these things: Garlic powder, chili powder, and onion powder. Most of those seasoning packets contain one or all of these things. Then add in other herbs and spices. Rosemary, Oregano, Ground Cumin, Basil, Ginger... I could list everything in my spice cabinet but that would be another blog. Second reason I don't really care to measure is that cooking is really a feeling in the kitchen. It's just knowing what you like, and figuring out your own taste. It can become a very relaxing and enjoyable experience. Especially when you can cook with someone you love. One day I hope to be back in the kitchen with someone I love, creating pure awesome in a pan.      

     So happy cooking my friends! Until next time...


Saturday, August 1, 2015

Running into your Ex at the Bar

          Hello again! So I have been very busy this week making new connections, hanging out with friends old and new, and running into the dreaded Ex at the bar.... (enter doom music). This was not my ex Husband, it was my ex Boyfriend. You know, the loser I wasted 2 years on? Yeah... THAT guy.

         So I think that men and women can agree, that we have all had this type of person at some point or another. The type that takes full advantage of you, and offers just enough in return to make you think that deep down is a decent person. Maybe you have dated them, maybe they were a friend, or maybe they are a family member. That is the type of person my ex BF is. He had me hook, line and sinker after one date. Crazy right!? I'm such a level headed person most of the time, how in the hell did this guy blow apart the fortress around my heart so easily? How did he tame that fire breathing dragon guarding the door? HOW in the ever loving fuck did he get past all of that, and crack open the steel box welded around my heart!? This guy knew just what to say and when to say it. He knew which gestures to make and when to make them. He was playing me like a fiddle from the start, and sometimes I feel like he's still playing it.

          So upon arriving and realizing that he was there, I had that mini heart attack that we all do. "Shit! did he see me? Wait, why do I care!? I shouldn't care. Calm down, breathe, you don't care. You look good! He should see you so he can eat his heart out! Wait, does he have a heart?" My friend is a bouncer at the door, I stop and chat with him for a few minutes. Then the friends I came in with procured the table right next to the door. PERFECT! You see my Ex is a DJ, so he is stuck in the DJ booth across the bar at the dance floor.

          Thank God I have good friends, Laura and Dan kept me laughing and distracted most of the evening. I stopped caring that he was even there after about 10 minutes. We were checking out guys in the bar, flirting, giggling about facebook posts and stupid people. As the bar reached closing time I was back to hiding from him. Not because I was feeling anything, but because I did not have any desire whatsoever to communicate with this heartbreaking tool bag. We all left the bar together and had a good laugh at the fact that he was trying to wave at Laura to get her attention.

          I think that the lesson I took out of last night was this; As long as you have great friends in your life, you don't need to worry, you will be JUST fine....
Until next time my friends!