Friday, January 1, 2016

Relationship views for the New Year

     Well, Happy New Year! I hope that I am finding everyone happy, healthy and full of promise for the next 366 days! Yes, 366, its a leap year, and you can keep reading after you have finished laughing... I'll wait.
Ha, full of promise, lets be real here. The only thing I am full of going into the new year is curiosity, and maybe some other things, but lets stick with curiosity for now. I have been MIA for the last few months, I apologize for that. I had to take some time to cultivate some relationships, break down a couple others, and find that place in my heart that is capable of loving another. I got rid of the dating sites, and allowed some friends to make a few connections for me. Now here is where things get interesting. When you allow a friend to talk you into meeting someone, it gives you the opportunity to see who said friend sees you with. It also gives a peek into how they view you as a person. Typically when someone seeks out to set up one friend with another, they tend to lean towards someone they think you will have things in common with. So when they set you up with a man who is an adrenaline junky, for instance, they might view you as the same. I'll be the first one to tell you, friends can miss the mark....

     So with that being said, I will dive into the things I had the opportunity to learn, and the things that I know I will come to expect from any romantic relationship I may find myself in. First and foremost, loyalty. Loyalty to me and only me, meaning that you will have my back and I will have yours. Clearly, this is a 2 way street between the two of you. I expect any man that I am with to have my back when things are good, bad or indifferent. If I have done something wrong, help me fix it. If I have made an epic mistake to rule all mistakes, love me through it and help me make amends to the person or persons I may have hurt. Right or wrong, we all need someone in our lives that are able to forgive us for being what we are, broken people just trying to live our lives the best way we know how. Sometimes we fuck up, majorly fuck up, and we end up hurting people whether we intended to or not. Please be able to forgive the person you love. If you can't do this, then you have no business being in a relationship with this person. Forgiveness is a necessary ingredient for any sustainable relationship. Be caring and kind to the person you want to stay in your life. We all have bad days, weeks, hell... even years! Learn to channel that bad into something else, and don't let it poison your relationship. If it's becoming an issue, then you need to talk about it in a civil manner. Be an adult about things, no sense in childishly fighting and screaming at one another. How can you expect to accomplish anything by yelling at another person? Communication is so incredibly important. When you communicate with each other about the things that are bothering you, and you communicate in such a way that you can both listen and hear the other person, you will have something unbreakable. Last, but absolutely not least, do not dwell on the past! Don't dredge up old news, and wave it around like a whip, just waiting to lash it at the person you are supposed to care about the most. Why would you wish to cause them the emotional pain of bringing something up that was put behind them for a reason? Keep moving forward, keep making new memories and make them good. Know that there is hard stuff still ahead. You will need to become such a strong team that when that hard stuff sucker punches you, you can work through it and come out the other side better for making it through.

     The 2 men that I had the opportunity of getting to know through mutual friends, have each taught me some of those things. Not because they necessarily showed that they were capable of doing them, but because they were things that needed work by all parties involved, myself included. Some of those things I listed are lessons I learned from the dissolution of my marriage, and from my break up with the two year heartache that was my ex boyfriend. Overall, they seem to be the things I see in couples that can stand the test of time. I also forgot to mention that you have to have the ability to laugh at and with one another, and yourselves. Laughter is so important for any human connection. Without humor, we would have a dull, boring, colorless society. Not something I wish to live in.

     So as I continue my move into the new year, I will keep on this road I have been following. I am going to stay away from the dating sites for now. They seem to just drag in useless trouble, and men that I have no desire to ever meet outside of those painful first dates. I will keep making new connections with friends and co-workers. I hope that one of these days I will stumble upon the man that will deserve all that I have to offer. Until that day comes, I will try to keep writing, keep making memories with my kids, and continue making goals for myself. The only person I need to keep impressing is myself, and I think that I am pretty amazing.

Until next time my friends.