Online Dating Profiles

     Hey guys, can we just talk for a minute about online dating profiles? In theory the concept seems pretty fucking simple. You take about 15 to 20 minutes to write down a few interests and describe yourself. Upload a few flattering images of yourself to highlight your best features, and then send it off into the abyss of the internet.... WRONG! Here's how it really goes. First you browse through your hundreds of selfies, trying to find the perfect one to be the main image, the first impression. Fuck me, that is a lot harder than it should be! I mean come on, I'm not a terrible looking woman, so why is it, that I can look at an image of myself and rip it to shreds in about 3 seconds!? Dammit, I ended up going off my facebook likes and comments. That's right, an impromptu popularity contest. I scrolled through my profile pics and chose the best 3 or 4 that my friends and family liked the most. Phew... that only took.... 2 hours!? Are you shitting me!? Fuck... ok, now I need to fill the rest of this godforsaken thing out. Height, body type, religion, kids, job.... fuck is this a dating site or an FBI interrogation? Alright, now I just need to type in some hobbies... What do I do in my spare time? I'm drawing a blank... crap... ummmm... should I put on here that I blog randomly and binge watch Netflix until I pass out every night? No, dammit, I need to sound fun. Ok, basics, camping, hiking, fishing, ok that is a few things. Now I have to write a damned paragraph about myself!? You know what, fuck it, I have been doing this shit way too long. I am not going to be nice anymore. I'll spare you all the details, but this thing is about 3 paragraphs long. Bet that not one of these fools reads a damned word.

     OK, so I have spent... wait... is that right? 4 mother fucking hours on this shit!? Why did I waste so much time? I could have been doing something more productive, like finding out who dies this week on Supernatural. Those guys are always dying. Crap, focus, you're supposed to go browse through men's profiles now. Here we go, click, click, is that a fucking dolphin? Where the hell did he read that posing with a dolphin would help pick up chicks? Moron, click, click, whoah, that is the biggest unibrow I have ever seen.... Ok, moving on. I have probably clicked through dozens of profiles and I have to wonder, where did these guys get so many dogs? Is there a site somewhere that is telling these guys to pose with a dog to get dates? Oh... there is? Well, that explains a lot. Why are these morons posting group pics? Hey! Douche nozzle! I don't want to play the guessing game, you all look like you fucked an entire sorority house. Wanna know how I can tell? The fohawk and the beer bong totally gives you away. Also posing with 3 or 4 random guys, and making me figure out which one of you is in all the pictures, is a real fast way to make me click the fucking X. Congratulations, you win the dip shit award.
 
     Can we pause a moment to talk about the guys posting pics of themselves from 5 or 10 years ago? Here is a news flash for you, if I like what I see, then I see how you look now and it's not even a little bit the same... I am not going to keep talking to you. Especially if you from 5 years ago looks good, and you now looks like the stay puff marshmallow man fucked Shrek and gave birth to your ass. I'm not typically one to get hung up on looks, but seriously, there has to be some kind of attraction there or this is going nowhere fast. Also, don't expect me to drive 2 hours to where you live for a first date. We meet in the middle, that is only fair. Hell you don't even have to pay for my lunch sweetheart, just don't be a dick.

     That brings me to another irritating thing I have noticed on these profiles. You get to select what kind of relationship you are searching for, you know, let people know how serious you are about all this. If you don't know what the fuck you want, then just select the "Just dating, noting serious" box. Do not go advertising that you want a relationship, or that you are putting serious effort into finding someone when you have no idea what you want. Especially if you have just broken up with someone. I'm not in here to be your rebound girl. Also, the casual dating/no commitment group. Give me a break, go to Tinder, that selection may as well read, "I'm emotionally constipated, but your vagina sounds neat!" Get the fuck out of my inbox with your hook up bullshit. Most of these guys are muscle built meat heads, they have no interest in carrying on a conversation, they just want to roll in the sack and peace out.

     Then we have the inspirational quote guys, shoot me now... These guys post one picture of themselves, and it's with terrible back lighting and you can't make out their face. Then the rest of the pics on their profile are lovey-dovey romance quotes. Give me a break, you are a level 10 clinger and you more than likely look like a gremlin that ate after midnight. Don't get me wrong, a little romance is great, but 5 romantic love quotes and then sending me a message that is straight out of some Victorian romance novel!? Overkill man, overkill. Dial it down about 20 notches, you are approaching "it puts the lotion on its skin" creepy. Also, don't fucking tell me that it looks like I smell nice. That kind of shit makes a woman want to send your profile information into crime stoppers. We are pretty sure you have your last girlfriend locked in your basement.

     Still clicking through these guys, I swear most of them need lessons on selfies. Holding your phone on your beer gut and then looking down at it does not help there Hoss. You look like the cattle you herd. Car selfies, so many car selfies. Ok, I get it, you can drive, awesome. Can you cook a meal? Can you hold down a job? Is that really your grandma's car? On a scale of 1 to 10, how insane are you? With women that last one is easy to determine, the more make up she wears, the crazier she is. Men are a mystery, he's cute, but is he going to make our waiter cry because he is a total dick? Yes, yes he is.

     Remind me why I keep doing this? Life long partner found online? I know it happens, I know people that this has worked for. I may be a different story, perhaps I am supposed to keep doing this shit so I can have writing material. I will keep on keeping on for you guys, my friends, my family. You all can take joy in reading about my disasters.
Until next time my friends.

Shower Fantasies

     Hey guys, I just have one question, why in the hell do we deep think/fantasize/feel emotional in the shower? Is it because we are naked, and therefore feel more open to the part of our mind that allows those thoughts and feelings to come through? Well you all know me, I googled that shit. Turns out that is close to what happens. When we do something that is relaxing, calming, or creative, our brains release dopamine. That release allows our sub conscious mind to come into consciousness, allowing our brains to become more creative, and also allows us to problem solve. Interesting.... fuck you, I found it interesting.

     Well during my shower this evening I was playing my vocal jazz station on Pandora, and dancing in the shower, naturally.... and I just kept thinking, one day I will find a man who is going to slip in quietly, and watch me do my weird little dance in the shower, and he will smile and fall more in love with me. In that raw nature, the dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, kind of uninhibited person that we all hide from the outside world, he will find beauty and grace.  OK, probably not so much grace, as I probably have the rhythm of a blind bongo player with one arm and a hook for a hand... nevertheless, he will be happy to call me his. In all my quirky glory, one day it will happen, well, at least in my shower induced, dopamine laden fantasy... it happens.

       I have also come up with possibilities for all my financial troubles... most solutions aren't exactly legal, but hey, this is my shower fantasy! If I want to open up a Rent-a-slut I can! There are no laws in my fantasies. I also have a hit-for-hire service, we primarily work with those that have been cheated on... so I'm a little jaded, show me anyone over the age of 30 who isn't and I will show you a fucking liar! That also reminds me, I once laughed at myself for a solid 5 mins after having a vision of liars pants actually catching on fire.

     So after all this thinking and fantasizing, a small part of me wonders if I have already met this man and told him to fuck off... or perhaps he was really creeping me out by staring at me from the dark corner of some smokey bar. Shit... I guess I am left with the fantasy. I'm not complaining though, because this man is tall, dark and handsome. He cooks for me, draws me a hot bath, and is amazing in bed. Until he manifests into reality, and doesn't irritate me with his grammar, I will hold onto my fantasy man.

Until next time friends!

Guarded, Locked and Loaded

     Hey guys, what's happening in your lives? Same shit different day? Great, me too. Only it's slightly different shit, and a totally random day. Let me elaborate on this.
     So remember when I said that I was willing to give anyone who asked me out at least one date. One shot to see if there is a spark, a connection, something I think I can work with? Well, I gave this man one date, and I was prepared to only give him the one, considering that he lives almost 2 hours from me. Distance is a hard thing to navigate when trying to spark any kind of relationship. It puts stress on it, causes doubts, and if the relationship isn't particularly stable to begin with, can cause it to crumble rather quickly. Well here I am, 3 dates later and I find myself liking this guy. So, in total ME fashion, of course I am still guarded and keeping him at arms length. In all fairness he was warned, repeatedly. I am not an easy sell, especially to someone that lives so far away, and has other issues that I will not divulge at this juncture. So far I don't think he has any ill meaning motives, no hidden mother issues, nothing that screams serial killer or total fucking nutcase. I'm absolutely taking my time with this, considering the factors I am dealing with. My trust level is pretty low, almost a zero, but that is something that must be earned over time through actions and observations. Not something I am willing to just hand over with some random texts and whispered promises.

     I have found myself wondering lately if I am being particularly stubborn because I can, or if it's something bigger than that. I have a totally dark and twisted way of thinking a lot of the time, and I found myself wondering if someone can run out of happy. What if you are given all the happy, love, and smiles for a lifetime when you are born, and I am running out? Perhaps I do have more, but they are reserved for other occasions and events in my life. When my children get married, when I become a grandparent, you know, things like that. What if, when it comes to relationships, I have put so much into the wrong people, I am just out of it to give for the next person, whether they are the right one or not? Fuck.... Told you it was dark and twisted in there. You see, I have become so content with being alone, that I have reached a point where I don't know how to switch it back on for another person. I have a hell of a time sleeping with someone lying next to me. I don't feel comfortable sharing my space with another person. I worry that they will mess up my routine, however chaotic it is. Then I also find myself thinking, maybe this is what I need to get past my bullshit. Maybe allowing someone in will let me put some effort into life again. Make me stop feeling so content to do nothing, pick myself up and get back out into the world and find what I want.

     I have discovered that I do miss some things that happen at the beginning of a relationship. The things that happen BEFORE the relationship. Learning things about a new person. Figuring out if you are compatible, if you can blend lives and if there is a spark. It also opens you up to meeting people in their inner circle and finding new faces and new experiences through each new person you meet. I have made some pretty good friends in the wake of dating. Met people that I wouldn't have been introduced to otherwise. If for nothing other than that experience, I don't mind dating. I am certainly glad that I got rid of the online dating fuckery. That was just getting plain ridiculous. I have never had to be such a bitch in my entire life than I had to be over the few months of online dating. These men seriously can't handle being told no. They also have no manners when they get behind that fucking keyboard. I have never been hit on in such a slimy, disgusting, degrading way, in my entire life! And I grew up with loggers, truckers and rednecks!

     So I will keep you all informed of what happens over the next few weeks. I am not going to get my hopes up. I'm not even sure what I'm hoping for at this moment. I know that I am happy, just the same as I was a few weeks ago prior to going on that first date with him. I am going to keep living my life as I was before, and if he wants to become a part of it, he will have to make his place. I am really tired of making a place for a new man in my life, only to have him back out unexpectedly and taking a piece of me with him. That will not happen again, not on my watch. I am very guarded, I have my heart under lock and key, in a castle, with a moat, and a fire breathing dragon. It's going to take some serious cannon fire to get me to open up. If you are the type to root for the underdog, you should probably send some good vibes his way. He's going to need all the ammunition he can get.

Until next time.

Passive Aggressive Dating

     Ok, buckle up for the rant. I can no longer contain the irritation caused over a passive aggressive asshat! First off, let me say that I have been chatting with this guy for over a month now. He lives in another city and it has been difficult between our schedules to actually make time to meet. He might even have a link to my blog, come to think of it, so, if he's reading, I hope he takes some pointers for the next woman he speaks to.

     I work full time, HE works full time and then some. I have kids, he doesn't. So in addition to the conflicting work arrangements, I have the added complication of having time with my kids that WILL NEVER BE COMPROMISED! Fuck you if you think that I am willing to sacrifice the time I get with them. This basically leaves me open to go on dates 2 weeks a month. Then you have to factor in the time I spend with my friends. So that takes my 14 days and cuts it to about 10. Then factor in my early morning work schedule, so I really don't like to be out past 9pm on a work night. So that turns into only 5 hours per night of the work week that I am potentially free to meet someone. Then of course Friday night and all day Saturday. Sunday is my day to relax and prep for my children to arrive home. I think that I'm down to 6 days in a month at this point. Never once did I let on that dating me would be easy. I tell every man that chooses to have any contact with me that I am busy, and I truly mean that I am BUSY.

     Secondly, I will not put up with someone who makes me feel guilty in anyway for being a working mother. I work hard and I raise my kids. If you can't deal with that, see your way out. I will not tolerate your passive aggressive texts. Fuck you, fuck off, you fucking fuck. Telling me that you're going to just give up on trying to meet me... fine, then don't meet me. I apologized for it being difficult. Then telling me that it is not for your lack of trying.... Oh, then it must be that I am not. OK then, Captain Dillhole. I'm done.

     When will these guys learn that you can't tell someone how "understanding" you are, then turn around and be an ass? That might be the way it works in the bars, or how it works with those thirsty hoes just looking for a dick to ride. I am not any of these bitches. I am perfectly content waiting for someone who truly understands my life and is willing to hang around and see how amazing I am. I think that I am worth the wait. The right man will agree with me. I treat my man good, no, better than good.... amazingly. I will go to the ends of the earth to make them feel welcome in my arms. I will settle for nothing less than the same treatment. So the next time that you feel the need to get hacked off at someone for not dropping everything in their life to meet you right now.... take a moment and try to understand how difficult it might actually be for them to rearrange their life for a few dates. People work, have kids, plans that were made long before you came stumbling into the picture. Don't force something to happen, it will happen in due time. Until that time comes, make your own plans, do your own thing and for the love of Fuck, don't plant your happiness in someone else's  garden!


Until next time my friends.

The "Friend Zone"

    

     Ok, I know that very many of you have heard this term. Shit, many of you think that you have put someone in the Friend Zone, or you think that you are in it. Well I'm here to tell you.... IT'S NOT A REAL THING! Fuck, come on. All these people whining about being stuck in the Friend Zone. Boo Hoo, so-and-so put me in the Friend Zone. Bitch please, no they didn't! You put yourself there. You decided to be their friend after they rejected you. Or what really happened, is that you didn't have the balls to even tell them that you wanted to date them to begin with! So instead of growing a pair and asking them out, you cry bitch baby tears over being put in this mythical place.

     You have no reason to be crying and whining over it. How about you suck it up and go to the person that you'd like to try things with, and fucking tell them! All it takes is about 10 seconds of courage to spit out the words you want to say. The worst thing that can happen is that they will tell you they aren't interested. In the grand scheme of things is that really the most horrible thing that they can do to you? Hell No! They could be that crazy bitch that tossed your shit in the front yard and set it on fire! If you really believe that they are your friend to begin with, they wouldn't hurt you like that. A friend would feel badly if they had to let you down, so they would do it kindly. Instead, you're out there in the bar, or online, dating the craziest bitches and then calling that person who "Friend Zoned" you and bitching to them that you can't find anyone decent to date!

     I am here to tell you that it's not the worst thing in the world to put yourself out there. I have done it a few times. Is it hard? Yes, absolutely. You know what is harder though? Never knowing if they feel the same way. I have gotten the chance to go on a date with someone who was a friend. It's not that bad. You can get a feel for the romantic side of them and see if you are compatible. Worst case scenario is that the date is SO BAD, that you loose that friend forever. Best case scenario is that you end up with an amazing person to date, that already knows how fucked up you are and totally loves you for it. Take that chance. If they end up not in your life afterward, it's because they really weren't supposed to be there. True friends will stick around.

     So good luck out there! I hope you will go out on the limb, and tell a friend that you have been thinking about them in a different light for a long time, and that you would like to see if something could come of it. 

Until next time my friends!  

The New Age of "Dating"

    

     Ok, today I have a rant post. This is directed at some of the online "dating" apps. I use the term dating VERY loosely here, just like the men and women on the sites! HA! Tinder, Grinder, Hot or Not.... these are not dating apps, they are hook-up apps. This shit makes getting laid easy. Personally I hate that people are so damned willing to give it up these days! It's pretty much expected anymore. You chat for a few mins, flirt heavily, send nude pics and then you meet up! Gross, and they wonder why STD's are so widespread. Did you know that 10% of adults in the US ages 20-29 have Herpes! Those are just the cases that KNOW they have it! 1.4 Million have Chlamydia, 330k have Gonorrhea, and 17k have Syphilis! Well now, that makes me want to swipe right, how about you!

     Not only is this becoming such a fucking joke to call it dating, it is making the idea of monogamy something of the past. I like to call it the "Grass is Always Greener" complex. The person who is supposed to love you and care for you, just can't help but wonder if there is another person better for them out there. I get it, I totally get it. However, maybe you don't go looking for it while you are supposed to be focusing on the person you have chosen to be with. You picked them! You said that you loved them! How can you expect them to be devoted to you, when you are too busy looking for the next bed to warm?

     I hate trying to dig through all the bull shit to find one decent man to try this whole relationship thing with. I have found the liars, the users, and the useless fucks. The guys who only want to sext, the asshats that only want a hook-up, and the liars that say they are single when they aren't. Although, all these might be attached men due to the fact that they want no commitment whatsoever. The casual dating is not my style, not in the sense that a lot of men seem to think anyway. To me, casual dating is meeting for drinks after work, coffee, working out, generally keeping things simple and not stressing about fancy dinners and putting out!

     Be careful out there people, use protection and please don't use these sites to cheat on your significant other. If you don't want to be with them then break up with them. Do not string them along and make them believe that you still love them, because if you are willing to actively look for another person to spend your time with.... You DON'T love them at all.

Until next time my friends!

    

Sexual Misadventures and Dating Catastrophies

     Hello to my new friends! So I wanted to share some of my crazy misadventures, and some of the things that have happened to me while meeting up with dates I met online! Fuckery... purest in form. That is the only way I can describe some of these encounters. Read on, and enjoy!

     So not too long after I was separated from my husband, about 4 months or so, I decided that I needed a test if you will. A test man to see if I was still emotionally attached to my soon to be ex Husband. After a few weeks of deciding that I would bite the bullet and sign up for an online dating profile, I got a bite on Facebook of all places. An acquaintance from high school was going out to a local bar and wanted to know if anyone might want to join him. I went ahead and met him. I turned out to be the only person that responded to the request. We sat for a few hours and talked, caught up on some things, then decided to leave. No sooner had we left the bar, he turned and kissed me. It was wonderful! Soft, yearning, and a little bit forceful, I was turned on. We agreed to head to my place. We got right down to business, and that's when things got nasty... and not the good  kind of nasty. He was sweating profusely, it was so fucking disgusting, that I made every noise and muscle spasm in the book to make him finish and get off me! Mission was accomplished! However disgusting that guy was, I quickly realized that I was shut down emotionally. He never got a call back, because let's face it, ladies don't have one night stands. We hold auditions and if you aren't up to par, we just don't call you again.

     After him, I gained my courage and dated a few guys. I give them nicknames because I didn't care to recall them by name for all my stories told. Plus, there are a couple with the same name, it keeps them from getting confused. Please don't think me a slut, a whore or anything of the sort! I didn't sleep with all these guys. Many of them never made it past a first date. Here we go! I'll try to make this as painless as possible for you... Lord knows it was hell for me.

     Clingy guy, I dated him for 3 months and was suffocated! He was an idiot, I literally felt dumb just hanging around him. I had to flip the bitch switch to get him to leave me alone finally. Muscle guy, he is cute, funny and younger than me. We had fun, maybe too much fun. I'm still friends with this one, he has someone amazing in his life and I wish him well. Then there was the Lizard. His nickname was decided on because of his kissing style. Let me also mention that this guy was a self proclaimed "amazing kisser". GAG! Geeky guy, I felt bad for him because our date was interrupted by some of my insane friends at the bar. He was so scared he didn't even walk me to my car afterward.
Boring guy, took me to tea and a book store at 3 in the afternoon. It would have been a good date if he wasn't so dreadfully boring! Leave me alone guy! Oh man... this guy was a real piece of work. He was doing alright until after the second date. We were having a perfectly normal conversation the next day. Then for no reason whatsoever, he tells me to leave him alone. He later says he was having a bad day... No problem buddy! I don't have time for a ride on your Bi-polarcoaster. I'm OUT. Really Tall Guy got a knife pulled on him for being an epic fail dumbass. He "playfully" pushed me on our FIRST date... His playful push almost made me eat shit on the sidewalk. I told him not to push me and that I had a knife. The fucking moron then decided to grab my hair and pull my head back and joke that I couldn't do anything. I had that knife whipped out of my purse and snapped open so fast he didn't even know what the hell to do. He later text me and said I scared him. GOOD! Stupid mother fucker.
I can't forget the You should go home now Guy. That poor sap drug my puking drunk ass home from the bar one night. It was an epic fail night that ended with me waking up to him staring at me. I asked him how far away he lived. He replied that it was just up the road from me.... I said "you should probably walk home now. Lock the door on your way out." Thankfully I never saw that one again... Talk about a bad experience!

     I have still kept my faith that one of these times I will actually meet a decent man. I know they are out there. The odds should start swaying to my favor before too long.... right? I mean the world is full of shitty human beings, this I know. However, I know very many good ones too. One of them is bound to find me and treat me like the beautiful, crazy, half bitch I am! He will touch my butt and feed me tacos, and do the housework that I don't want to do! Ahhh, yes, I have faith...

Until next time my friends!

    

It's OK to Treat Yourself to a Decent Meal Sometimes

     After a couple weeks of no food posts, I'm getting back to why I created this blog in the first place! FOOD! Delicious, amazing, melt in your mouth awesomeness. 

     Tonight I made myself a rib-eye steak, asparagus, and roasted potatoes. 

     Looks amazing right!? That's because it was! Sorry, but I have to say, that I even impress myself sometimes. 

     So that sizzling hot hunk of beef was a tender, seasoned to perfection, cooked to medium rare, orgasm in my mouth. Combined with the roasted potatoes and asparagus, it was a meal fit for a Queen. I seasoned my steak with garlic and onion powder, pink Himalayan salt and fresh cracked pepper. I tossed it into the oven with the potatoes during the last 5 minutes of cooking time, at 400 degrees F.  After I pulled the potatoes out of the oven I cranked on the broiler, and cooked the steak for approximately 3-4 minutes each side. The asparagus was cooked in my cast iron frying pan on medium-high heat with about 2tblsp of butter and a splash of olive oil. Seasoned with ground blue salt, cracked pepper and garlic powder. I fried in the pan for 4 minutes, then added about a half cup of water and turned the heat on high until the water evaporated, making sure to toss them in the pan a few times.
My roasted potatoes are a combo of small red, purple and gold potatoes. Seasoned with that black lava salt, garlic powder, cracked pepper and crushed rosemary. 

     Well that's it! quick and dirty for you tonight folks. Cooking with me is fast paced and fun! Don't just wing it if you aren't comfortable though. Slowly work your way into it. I've ruined many a meal just flying by the seat of my pants and fucking it all up in epic failure glory! When cooking you should always stand in the kitchen and babysit your food. Unless it's slow cooking in the oven or crockpot. I hope that some of my tips help you to expand on your cooking horizons! I'm no gourmet chef.... but I am a damned good home cook! 

Until next time my friends! 

The Importance of Great Friends

   
      I don't think that I can stress it enough to everyone, how important it is to have amazing friends in your life at all stages. These people in the pictures are some of my amazing friends that I can count on to stick by me through think and thin. They make me laugh, cry, laugh until I cry, and forget all about my worries if just for a few hours. It's so incredibly important to find a few people like this to keep around. I wouldn't trade a single one of them off for anything. Each person in these photo's offers me something different, yet they all offer one very similar and very important thing.... LOVE. Don't roll your fucking eyes at me! If you don't love your friends then you're doing it wrong. Read on...

     We can act insane together and none of us judge the other. We embrace each other and all the quirks that come along with. This is how to live life. One moment at a time, one day at a time, and one crazy wild ride all the way through. Be the support and back up to your friends, and you will have some of the best relationships come out of it. I think that the relationships that my friends and I have, are stronger than any other relationship I have ever been in. We know how messed up the other one is, how dark and twisty that rabbit hole can get, yet we accept that. And we are comfortable in knowing that they are just as accepting of your own dark and twisted brain.

     Keeping people around when you are going through happy times is probably more important than just venting to them about all your troubles. We lift each other up when one is down. We can't all be the Debbie downers! We slap a smile on our face until we trick our brain! Trust me, when your friend starts laughing and smiling when they started off the night with a forced grin... there is no better therapy in the world. It feels good to help someone. Plus they start to laugh at you when you make silly faces and say "Smile Fucker!" Ok, well my friends do... we have a special kind of relationship. You might want to come up with your own ways, mine can be offensive to some. Best part about my friends is that they aren't offended easily.

     These people are my sounding board, my go to, and my courage when I need it. They will give me their opinions on men and dating, on work, on other friends and on the ex's of course. They will guide me on my journey through life.

     I know that I kept this blog post more on the serious side, and I hope that it was still a good read. These people deserve nothing but respect from me. I can joke around and be sarcastic to them, have inside jokes and poke fun at them... But no one can love them like I do.

     I hope you will all go tell your friend(s) how much they mean to you! Give them a call, text, or facebook message. Let them know what they have brought to the table. Tell them what they have done for you. I bet that some of them have no idea how much they might mean to you.

Until next time my friends!

Double Duty Chicken!

     So tonight I will actually give you a cooking entry! Yay food! So I know what you're thinking already, "that's a lot of food for one." and you would be right, except for the fact that my kids are with me for the week. So what I decided to whip up for dinner is chicken breast that will pull double duty as a chicken pasta salad for tomorrow! Woohoo for stretching the budget!

     So to start off with, I didn't find this recipe online, this is just what I whipped up in my own kitchen out of my own food loving mind.

     The chicken breast is seasoned with crushed rosemary, black pepper, rosemary sea salt, onion powder and garlic powder. I do not cook with specific measurements, so don't even ask me how much is on each chicken breast. I added a moderate dusting of each seasoning to both sides of the chicken and rubbed it in. I cooked the chicken in a pan pre-heated to Medium, with a healthy dollop of organic coconut oil and 3 whole cloves of garlic. Covered and cooked approx 10 mins each side then removed the lid, and turned up the heat to medium high for about 2-3 mins to cook off the excess liquid and to brown the chicken. Please check your chicken with a thermometer to ensure it is cooked to the food safe temp of 165 degrees Fahrenheit. I used the old method of giving the thickest part a poke with a fork and ensuring the juice ran clear. Do not do this unless you are 100% confident in your own cooking skills, I don't recommend it.

     Ok, now for that fun and colorful pasta salad! Again, no exact measurements! Shit, I don't have time for that! Cook yourself some pasta, I chose small shells, you can get what ever floats your boat. Chop up some veggies, don't ask me what to put in there... I don't know what you like. I like many veggies, this has carrots, red bell pepper, broccoli and sugar snap peas. I also added real bacon bits because bacon is fucking awesome. I will chop up one of those yummy chicken breasts and toss it in there too. The dressing for this particular salad will be made with about 1c. of olive oil mayo because I like it, and a half packet of Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch. Toss the salad and then eat it! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! get your head outta the gutter...

     Now this is the only time I'm gonna explain to you why and how I can cook without specific measurements. I first learned to cook by grabbing a packet of seasoning at the store, you know what I'm talking about, the shit they don't even keep in the spice aisle. Well after a while cooking with those things I decided to take matters into my own hands and googled what kind of spices were in them, trust me when I say this, THROW THEM OUT! Holy hell there is a lot of bad, and useless shit in those things. So I went to the store and began stocking my spice cabinet, buy in bulk bottles these things: Garlic powder, chili powder, and onion powder. Most of those seasoning packets contain one or all of these things. Then add in other herbs and spices. Rosemary, Oregano, Ground Cumin, Basil, Ginger... I could list everything in my spice cabinet but that would be another blog. Second reason I don't really care to measure is that cooking is really a feeling in the kitchen. It's just knowing what you like, and figuring out your own taste. It can become a very relaxing and enjoyable experience. Especially when you can cook with someone you love. One day I hope to be back in the kitchen with someone I love, creating pure awesome in a pan.      

     So happy cooking my friends! Until next time...